Dorothy O’Neill Weimar’s Journal

Journal Entry #1 / (July 17, 1940)

“I will give you absolution.” As I heard these words, I started to say my act of contrition, to beg Our Lord to forgive me for all of my horrible sins. Then, from just a few feet above me, I saw three drops of Our Lord’s most precious blood, dropping slowly into my heart. I felt the warm, liquid, alive in the bottom of my heart. This, I thought, is what I have been missing all of these years, I believed this everyone experienced that was in the state of grace. The blood of Christ shed for sinners – He gives it again to them in the Sacrament of Penance.

_____________

COMMENTARY:

By this grace, Dorothy experiences in the depths of her soul the life-giving effects of the Sacrament of Reconciliation, where God’s merciful love, signified by the living blood of Jesus, is poured into the soul for its transformation and conversion. In receiving this grace Dorothy did not know it was an extraordinary favor. She thought all persons who lived in God’s grace experienced such things. It made such an impression upon her that, since she had not experienced any-thing like it before, she thought she had been in the state of mortal sin until that time. Her statement here is a hyperbole originating from her deep humility. This is an important point because otherwise one might think that Dorothy had been in the state of mortal sin for many years and that this grace was one of conversion from it. Certainly, there is no evidence of this in her life. Rather, Dorothy describes here a grace of conversion, not from a life of grave sin, but from the ordinary practice of virtue to a life of outstanding sanctity. This grace, which Dorothy receives through the Sacrament of Penance, gives her an especially profound insight into the holiness of God and the evil of sin, even the smallest, as well as into those faults which dispose to sin and, therefore, are obstacles to complete union with God. With this reception of the Sacrament of Penance, the divine action operates a profound purification of Dorothy’s soul. All the saints experience this grace in one way or another. Dorothy experiences the profound reality of Our Lord’s words: “you must be made perfect as your heavenly Father is perfect” (Mt 5:48). Like Mary at Bethany, Dorothy chooses “the one thing necessary … the best part of all” (Luke 1:42).

It is interesting to note that this first grace took place about a month before she and her two small children were abandoned by Dorothy’s husband on August 5, l940.

Journal Entry #2 / (July 24, 1940)

I was making a novena to Saint Anne at Our Lady of Victory Church. When I received Communion this morning, I felt the flesh, I tasted the sweetness of Our Lord’s flesh on my tongue – love, love – I held Him close to me as He drew me closer to Him. I was living alone at the time. On entering the outside door of the house suddenly I realized the power of Our Lord’s love – His flesh, on my tongue – the flesh of the Son of God – I could not move but fell prostrate at Our Lord’s feet, to love Him, to love Him. I must have stayed for hours.

COMMENTARY

In this second entry we see that these special graces about which Dorothy writes took place during a Novena to St. Anne since the 17th of July, the date of her first entry, is within the nine days preceding the Feast.

Dorothy’s new grace is centered upon the reception of the Sacrament of the Eucharist. She experiences within the depths of her soul the truth that in receiving the Eucharist one truly eats the flesh of Jesus. It was on this very point that the Jews quarreled about and would not accept, saying: “How can He give us His flesh to eat?” (Jn 6:52). Our Lord, however, insisted upon the necessity of feeding on His flesh in order to have eternal life and to be raised up by Him on the last day. Our Lord here gives Dorothy to experience in a real sensible way the truth that the Eucharist is verily His flesh.

During this grace Dorothy experiences a prolonged state of ecstasy, probably much like the time when she was found by her family and sent to the hospital because they suspected her to be suffering from some psychological problem.

Journal Entry #3 / (July 25, 1940)

The next morning as the priest placed the Sacred Host on my tongue, I only felt the one single beautiful drop of Our Lord’s blood on my tongue. I held it there, breathless, and then felt it move slowly down my throat into my heart – into my heart. No, it seemed to take the place of my heart.

This love I had been missing all of these years, and yet Our Lord in His Mercy gave it all to me at once even if I came later. He paid me the same.

COMMENTARY:

In this grace, Dorothy received an experimental knowledge of two theological truths concerning the Most Blessed Sacrament. The first is that in receiving the Sacred Host, which is the Sign designating and containing Jesus’ body, we also receive His most precious blood. Under either Sacred Appearance of bread or of wine, we receive His body, blood, soul and divinity – in a word – the very Person of the God-Man: Jesus Christ. The second theological truth Dorothy experiences is that by the reception of Holy Communion we are really united with Jesus to become one with Him rather than Jesus becoming part of us. Ordinary food becomes part of the person who eats it, but “the living bread come down from heaven” (Jn 6:51) changes the one who eats it into Him-self to give that person everlasting life. In the last part of Dorothy’s description of this grace, she makes allusion to the parable of the laborers of the vineyard in Matthew 20:1-6. She gratefully admits that this gift of increased love she received at this time in her adult life is gratuitous on the Lord’s part, in no way due to any merit of her own.

Journal Entry #4 / (July 26, 1940)

I bent my head low to adore my Savior that I now held in my heart. There about ten feet away, walking as He were rushing to me, His arms out, reaching for me – Jesus, Jesus, in white that rippled with the softness of the sea breeze (He looked like He did when He asked Saint Peter to walk on the water.) His hair a soft rich golden brown. His face, beauty, beauty. Then He bent down, placed His hands over mine and placed a kiss on my forehead.

COMMENTARY:

Here Dorothy, in profound adoration of Jesus, Whom she had just received in Holy Communion, is given a vision that places her love for Him on the intimate level of spousal love. This type of mystically expressed love is, in fact, not only true of Jesus and His Church, but also of every in-dividual, whether male or female, who has been made part of Jesus through the reception of the Sacrament of Baptism.

Journal Entry #5 / (July 1940)

I was standing, facing Saint Dominic (my back to the world) at the Temple Street door of Saint Mary’s Church. We were standing in beautiful clouds slightly above the sidewalk. To the north there was a long road, you could see a great distance even though it seemed dark. Very close to me at my right was a Dominican priest. Saint Dominic took my right hand and placed it in the priest’s and said: “You will go barefooted beggars for souls for me and Our Divine Lord.”

At the same time, Saint Dominic told me that Saint Mary’s would be “a shrine where people will come from afar to honor Our Divine Lord.”

COMMENTARY:

The grace described in this entry concerns the special mission of Dorothy’s life. The presence of St. Dominic and the fact that he tells Dorothy she is to be a barefooted beggar for souls for him-self and Our Lord indicates that Dorothy was to accomplish her mission as his daughter. As a member of the Dominican Third Order, Dorothy took St. Catherine of Sienna for her patron. It should be noted that St. Dominic is the first person in Dorothy’s visions to speak to her, and his words are directed to revealing her special mission.

The reference to St. Mary’s Church indicates the place to which Dorothy’s mission would be linked. The specific mention of the Temple Street door of St. Mary’s is also another prophetic el-ement in this vision for it is through this door that she would pass each day to enter the room where she would work in the basement of the Church. Many of her graces happened in this room. She loved it because there she could remain always close to her Beloved in the Tabernacle above her. More will be mentioned about this in the fourteenth entry. In the present vision Dorothy was also given prophetic knowledge that St. Mary’s would be a place of pilgrimage. In fact, the shrine of the Divine Child of Prague, by which Jesus’ king-ship is honored, became a reality in 1945. St. Mary’s Church has also become the burial place of the Venerable Servant of God, Fr. Michael J. McGivney, founder of the Knights of Columbus.

Dorothy’s life mission has a significant allusion to Jesus’ final discourse in John’s Last Supper account. Upon closer examination, it will become evident how Dorothy’s whole life is particularly connected with this gospel account. The reference to Dorothy’s “back to the world” and her “standing on clouds slightly above the sidewalk” allude to Jesus’ telling His disciples that the world hates them (Jn 15:18) and that they do not belong to the world but that He has chosen them out of the world (Jn 15:17) and that as the Father had sent Him into the world so he sends them. (Jn 17:18). The “dark road” alludes to the remainder of Dorothy’s earthly life during which she would incur the wrath of the world whose ruler is the Devil (Jn 14:30; 16:11). Her life would be replete with suffering and would require heroic virtue. The Dominican priest mentioned is Dorothy’s future confessor and spiritual director whom, however, Dorothy did not yet know. He was transferred to St. Mary’s shortly after the Shrine was inaugurated in l945 by the Pastor and Prior at that time, the Very Rev. Father Burnell, O.P.

Journal Entry #6 / (July 1942)

One sultry August morning, having just received Communion, I was adoring and thanking our Lord for coming into my heart. I had no more than the usual feeling of devotion, maybe even less because the intense heat was so distracting. Suddenly there was Jesus standing in front of me. He had on a snow white garment and a deep red cloak. His eyes were deep, soft, and gentile. He bent over and placed a cloak over my shoulder. I wasn’t surprised, only at the color. As he fas-tened it, I looked up and said, “My Jesus, it’s red!”

Then for the first time, I heard His voice. He said, “Red, because you will be a victim of My love.”

All day while I was working I felt a beautiful peace, but then, because I feared my own mind, I decided to forget. I was sure that would be best. I had no knowledge of such things.

COMMENTARY:

Again, Dorothy receives her grace together with Holy Communion. The fact that this grace came when Dorothy was distracted is indicative that it did not come from herself but from the divine action. Here Our Lord finally and explicitly reveals His will regarding Dorothy’s special voca-tion, and she remarks that this is the first time she hears his voice. She is to share in His victim-hood, she is to be a victim of His love. St. Paul says in Heb 9:22: “. . . without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” As a victim for the forgiveness of the world’s sins, Jesus is clothed in a red cloak, and as a sign of her vocation He gave Dorothy a cloak like His very own. The peace Dorothy felt is the special gift of Jesus of which he speaks in John’s Last Supper Dis-course (15:27). It is the peace which only He can give. Dorothy’s comment about her “fearing her own mind” and her saying that she “had no knowledge of such things” indicate that she could hardly have made the vision up since she did not even understand it.

Journal Entry #7 / (March 1943)

During my lunch hour I walked out to Saint Stanislaus Church. When it was time to go back to work I didn’t want to leave my Love alone in the Tabernacle. I stopped for a few minutes more in the last pew. There, over the altar, was a huge cross. On it was my Jesus, bleeding, suffering. All around Him were angels weeping. Reaching out to Him I cried, “Oh my Jesus, take my heart, deflate it completely of all self-seeking and pride, nail it to the foot of Your cross.” Then, hardly had I finished my prayer when two of the angels left the foot of the cross. A beautiful path of clouds opened down to me. Then I saw the angels carrying my heart up to Our Divine Lord, and place it at the foot of His cross.

I went back to work filled with a heavenly peace that comes only when our hearts are where they belong, at Our Lord’s feet.

Our Lord, as before, was so gentle and kind, His grace so natural for us to receive that it did not seem to be extraordinary to me. I just treasured it all – and I begged Our Lord that day for Poland, Peace for Poland.

COMMENTARY:

In this grace, Our Lord shows Dorothy what is required of her to be a victim soul together with Him. She must share in His passion, and to do this she must give her love entirely to Him with heroic humility. Mentioned in this grace is the ministry of angels to men. Dorothy learned that peace is only given to those whose love is humble and obedient. In her charity, Dorothy begs that Poland, which at that time was in the throes of World War II, might receive the gift of Jesus’ peace.

Journal Entry #8 / (May 1946)

One day as I was kneeling before the Blessed Sacrament, the Church faded out and I saw banks of white clouds, then Our Lord coming toward me carrying a huge dark cross. He was bent beneath the weight.

Our Lord had on a dark red cloak, His adorable head was crowned with thorns, bleeding. The blood had matted His hair, and His eyes were filled with tears. He stopped next to me. The cross lifted by itself and stood up straight. I looked at Our Lord and asked, “For me?” He said, “Yes.” I said, “But, my Beloved, it is too heavy!” But Our Lord said, “accept this cross out of love for Me and I will give you in return a love beyond the knowledge and imagination of men.”

COMMENTARY

This grace, like the previous ones, concerns Dorothy’s vocation as a victim soul. In this grace Our Lord speaks to Dorothy and presents her with a huge cross which represents the totality of heroic suffering which she would undergo at Our Lord’s request until the end of her life on earth. The immensity of the cross frightens Dorothy. Her immediate reaction is much like that of Our Lord to the chalice of suffering presented to him in the Garden of Gethsemane. However, her Beloved – confident of Dorothy’s heroic trust, humility and generosity – promises her a love beyond the imagination and knowledge of men if she accepts to suffer with Him. Our Lord is never out-done in generosity.

Journal Entry #9 / (October 1946)

Jesus, Jesus, that you could love me so. For days you called me constantly. All day I could hear only Your voice saying, “Seek not thou to lead the way but follow Me.” All day my Guardian Angel would ask me, “Where is God?” I would whisper back, “God is everywhere.” All day long Our Lord whispered to me of His love. I could not work. My work suffered, everything went wrong.

This morning, after all of these years, as the priest placed the Sacred Host on my tongue – My God, my God, Lord of Love, it is your flesh, pores, the sweetness of heavenly honey.

I told Father when I went to confession. He said, “You must offer your life to Our Lord, if you can.”

To my Jesus I whispered, “Only grant that I may love You always, then do with me what You will.”

From that day on I always received Our Lord’s flesh and most precious blood on my tongue. Sometimes His blood flows like wine from the pores, sometimes a drop of blood like a single jewel. After several days, Our Lord told me not to swallow at once, but to “taste the sweetness of His flesh.”

COMMENTARY:

In this grace, Our Lord teaches Dorothy that it is necessary to follow the indications of His will as these are providentially manifested for us in our daily life. In this way, we will find Him and His love. At her Communion on this day, Dorothy’s grace of July 24 and 25, 1940, regarding the reality of the Eucharist as the flesh and blood of Jesus, was renewed and intensified. This is the first entry that refers to her spiritual director and confessor. In fact, Father Michael L. Novacki, O.P., had only recently arrived at St. Mary’s Church and was put in charge there of the newly founded Shrine of the Divine Infant Jesus of Prague. His advice to Dorothy is an explanation of Our Lord’s request of her that she offer herself as a victim of his love. This refers back to her grace of August 1942, the sixth entry, when Our Lord revealed to Dorothy her vocation to be a victim of His love. Dorothy mentioned that when asking her to accept this state of victim, Our Lord told her that He would give her the grace of salvation even if she should choose not to ac-cept His special request.

Journal Entry #10 / (October 1946)

It was very late at night. I was saying my rosary, the sorrowful mysteries. There before me stood Our Blessed Mother, Mary Queen of Sorrows. She seemed tall, regal, in dark blue, gold crown. She showed me Her Sorrowful Heart pierced with seven silver swords. She spoke to me, “You will share my sorrow, you will know the sufferings of the flesh of Jesus. Your sufferings will be much the same as Theresa Neumann. Through your suffering, My Rosary, and the Mass many souls will return to God.” I only remember kneeling very straight listening to the music of her voice. Her words melted into my poor sinful hear. Many times since showing me the sorrow of Her Heart, sometimes tears in Her eyes, She will ask me to pray for Russia – especially France – once Her very own – sins of the flesh have taken many from Her. Pray for us, Mary, pray for us.

COMMENTARY:

This entry marks the first mention of Our Blessed Mother. She appears as Queen of Sorrows, most appropriate with Dorothy’s vocation as a victim soul. It would be logical to assume that this is the reason she entitled the journal of her soul as “Would you let Him suffer alone?” Dorothy would share Mary’s sorrows that are centered upon the Sacrifice of Jesus, Mary’s divine Son. Mary further clarifies Dorothy’s vocation. Dorothy is not only to share in Mary’s sorrows; she is also to “know the sufferings of Jesus’ flesh.” This particular phrase refers to the stigmata that Dorothy would receive. In fact, Our Blessed Mother compared Dorothy’s sufferings from the stigmata to those of Theresa Neumann, who was a well-known stigmatic who lived at that time in Bavaria. There was a further connection with Theresa Neumann in that Dorothy also lived for a certain time without any other nourishment than the Blessed Sacrament. Unlike Theresa Neu-mann’s stigmata, Dorothy’s remained invisible. She was granted this request from Our Lord like her patron and sister in St. Dominic, St. Catherine of Sienna. By Dorothy’s suffering with Mary in union with the Sacrifice of Jesus in the Mass, she was to accomplish her special part for the salvation of her brothers and sisters. This vicarious suffering for others in union with those of Je-sus and Mary are in accordance with the doctrine of the Communion of Saints. In this grace it is especially touching to see the maternal solicitude of Mary for her children, and in an explicit way for Russia and France. At this time, the errors of atheistic communism began to spread over the whole world. And France, which is known as “the eldest daughter of the Church”, whose sym-bol is the fleur-de-lis – the very symbol of Mary’s own purity – was immersed in sins of the flesh.

Journal Entry #11 / (October 1946)

Afew evenings later as I was saying my rosary, suddenly I realized I was kneeling in a bank of clouds at Our Lord’s feet – bleeding feet. I bent and kissed His Sacred Wounds and for a long time, I drank His most precious blood – pouring into those sore and bleeding wounds all that I have, my love.

Our Blessed Mother was standing at my side. I asked her what would happen to my children. She told me, “I will take care of your children.”

COMMENTARY:

In this grace, Dorothy drinks the most precious blood of Jesus from the sacred wounds in his feet. Though Jesus tells us in the gospel that we must drink his blood (cf Jn 54-56), Dorothy’s speaking of drinking his blood from his wounds may surprise one who is not familiar with certain mystical graces were such an expression is common. Our salvation was obtained through the shedding of Our Divine Savior’s blood that poured forth from his sacred wounds. In this sense, Jesus’ wounds are the fonts of our salvation. This grace was given Dorothy as she prayed the rosary. Thus, through her rosary we find Dorothy living out her vocation as a victim of Jesus’ love in communion with Mary. Because this life of suffering takes its toll upon Dorothy’s life, and she is well aware of this, Dorothy expressed concern for her children. She realized that her life of victim for souls would not allow her to care for her children as other mothers. Anticipating her apprehension, Mary, good mother that she is, came to Dorothy’s side and promised her that she herself would care for Dorothy’s children.

Journal Entry #12 / (October 1946)

About this time whenever I was attending Holy Hour or the Blessed Martin Novena and the priest and people would start the rosary, I would find myself kneeling next to Our Blessed Mother. She would place her hand over mine, I would hear Her voice, sweet, rich. I would kneel unable to move as she told me the story of each mystery. Yet many times I would hear her voice and at the same time I would live each moment. Mary has often asked me to “Live Her Rosary.” “To all who come to me I will tell the story of My Rosary – The story of the Mass – the Life, Death, and Resurrection of Jesus.”

COMMENTARY:

Here, as in the ninth entry, is indicated the important part played by the rosary in Dorothy’s spir-itual life as a victim of divine love. In the present entry Dorothy writes about how Our Blessed Mother teaches her to say the rosary while meditating upon the joyful, sorrowful and glorious mysteries. In this grace Mary makes a most significant statement about the nature of her rosary. The rosary is our link with Jesus through Mary, but it is centered up-on Jesus in the Mass because the mysteries of the rosary are the story of Jesus’ Sacrifice. How is this so? The Sacrifice which Our Lord offered on Calvary was that of His entire life, from the first moment of His conception in the womb of Mary to his last breath upon the cross. Thus, the joyful and sorrowful mysteries are the story of that life which he offered in sacrifice and the glorious mysteries recount those events follow as consequences from his Sacrifice. In this grace Our Blessed Mother not only makes a new and beautiful statement about the eucharistic nature of her rosary, but also a theo-logically profound statement about the very nature of Jesus’ Sacrifice which is made present by the celebration of the Eucharist: the rosary is the means whereby Our Blessed Mother draws her children into Jesus through his Sacrifice made present in the Eucharist, the very beginning and font of our every grace and salvation.

Journal Entry #13 / (Christmas, Wednesday, 1946)

Carrying in my heart the Infant Jesus, His flesh on my tongue – was just like a rose petal, soft, sweet flesh of the Divine Infant. I returned to my seat and bowed my head, I felt someone place a cloak over me, heavy, the weight almost threw me to the floor. It was black and hooded. I looked up. It was Saint Dominic. He stood there looking down to me and said, “It is a cloak of penance, it will grow lighter as you wear it.”

Through my Father Saint Dominic, Our Lord and His Blessed Mother had on this Christmas morning given me His choicest present. The right to suffer for Him. I always wear this cloak, though sometimes when I am with Our Lord I wear others, two, actually. I will tell you about them.

COMMENTARY:

This grace, bestowed at Communion time, is again seen to be given through the power of the Eu-charist. Once more Dorothy’s loving Father St. Dominic is closely associated with the significant graces given her by Our Lord. In fact, it was St. Dominic who first spoke to Dorothy about the mission Our Lord wished her to accomplish. Dominic’s contact with Dorothy should be seen as a continuation of his own mission to preach truth to the world, which, at the same time, is the way and the life: Jesus Christ. It is most interesting to note that in exercising his mission during his own earthly life, St. Dominic always associated penance with preaching and desired that the black hooded cloak which is part of the Dominican habit, be a constant reminder of that penance so necessary to dispose persons to accept saving truth. In this Christmas grace St. Dominic him-self clothes Dorothy in this part of the Dominican habit. Dorothy remarks that it was so heavy that it almost threw her to the ground. The heavy weight of her cloak of penance is associated with the suffering she must undergo as a victim. These sufferings were previously presented to her in the form of the huge cross which Our Lord asked her to accept during the past month of May. The words of St. Dominic mean that the practice of penance becomes easier as one’s love for God and neighbor increases. In her amazing heroic charity, Dorothy considers this gift as the “choicest” present of Our Lord, Our Blessed Mother and St. Dominic. Her heroic charity is indi-cated by the fact that she does not look upon her penance as an obligation but as a “right” to suf-fer with Our Lord. This is to say that she considers it a privilege to suffer with Our Lord as a beggar for souls, to obtain graces for them so that they might enjoy eternal life.

Journal Entry #14 / (February 1947)

Saint Joseph was busy working in his work shop where I love to sit and watch, some-times I just sit and talk on and on, and Saint Joseph will make an occasional remark, some-times just to rest.

This morning Jesus (oh about five or six years old) was hammering nails into a board. I don’t know just what He was making but, suddenly, like a small child he handed me four nails and I could feel His little boy hands against mine. He said, “Hold these please.”

Not long afterwards I was kneeling at Our Lord’s feet. His head was crowned with thorns. His hands and feet were wounded and bleeding. He bent toward me showing me four large nails. He said, “Hold these.” His adorable eyes were almost pleading. I took them, they were heavy and ugly. Then Jesus said, “I will place them in your hands and feet Myself.”

COMMENTARY:

This grace indicates the will of the Lord that Dorothy share in his sufferings by accepting the stigmata. These wounds caused by the nails were not visible as they were with Teresa Neumann or St. Pio of Pietrelcina.

Journal Entry #15 / (May 1947)

The first day of the month of May, Mary’s month. On this day she gave me another gift – I lost my job – fired. For a few hours it was hard – mostly because of the children. I rushed at once to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament.

I just sat there and wept. Then Our Lord came to me. He stood there showing me the wounds in His hands, sore and bleeding. He said, “You will work for Me, you will labor to bring souls to My Heavenly Father.”

COMMENTARY:

This was a great trial for Dorothy because she was trying to support her children and provide for their necessities with her work. However, the Lord had other plans and Dorothy accepted them as a victim soul with complete confidence. Jesus at this time narrowed Dorothy’s work so that she would be completely working for the salvation of souls.

Journal Entry #16 / (June 1947)

I left Saint Michael’s after Mass – was going to walk over to Saint Mary’s. While I was walking, Our Lord walked along next to me. He asked me if I would enter the Cloister to suffer for Him. I was so shocked that I argued all of the way over with Our Lord. I would tell Him that He would not ask that of me. I knelt down in the front seat at Saint Mary’s. Our Lord stood there to my right – Saint Dominic on the left. Our Lord asked me again. I said, “But, my Lord, I am married.” Jesus bent, took my hands in His wounded ones and said, “You belong to Me.”

Then Saint Dominic said, “I want you to spend your life begging graces for my children, ‘Beggars for souls for Christ.’”

COMMENTARY:

This is a most significant grace. Our Lord asked Dorothy to enter the Dominican Cloister of Our Lady of Grace in North Guilford. She felt no attraction to life in a convent and the fact that she was married seemed to be an obstacle to what the Lord asked of her. When she put this to Him He simply stated the truth: she is His. In so doing Our Lord places His relation to Dorothy within a spousal context. It is most significant that in this event St. Dominic is also present since from the beginning Dorothy was placed under the care of St. Dominic as a father. He is Dorothy’s spiritual Father and here he himself commissions her with the duty to pray in a particular way for his Order, her brothers and sisters: to beg graces for “my children”.

Journal Entry #17 / (June 1947)

I was all alone with Our Lord and Father had asked me to pray for a few special souls. As I was praying for them Our Lord asked me to prostrate myself before Him. I did and kissed the ground five times in honor of His sacred wounds. When I knelt up Our Lord was right in front of me, beautiful in while with a gold cord around His waist. He placed two talisman roses in my hand. I had never seen such beauty save Our Lord. He said, “I want your every thought, all of your love, all that you can give Me is love” I said, “Jesus dear, give me more and more love so that I may return it to You.”

COMMENTARY:

The two most beautiful roses are presented as a loving gift of Jesus to Dorothy. Jesus asks of Dorothy the only thing she can give Him: her complete loving devotion. Dorothy’s response indicates her complete unselfishness.

Journal Entry #18 / (December 1947)

Our Lord told me many times to stay close to Mary on the road to Calvary. So several mornings in a row before Mass I would be with Our Blessed Mother. One morning as I was waiting next to Mary for Father’s Mass, I felt first that I was kneeling on soft dirt. I put my hands down and the warm sand of the road sifted through my fingers. Slowly before my eyes, the Church disappeared. There in place of the altar was the Garden of Olives down to one side – near the Blessed Virgin’s altar – it goes down a sloping hill – where you can see the whole world, great sections burning with a wild fire. To the right and from where I kneel with Mary is the road. In back there are hills, sometimes I see many souls – close to watch for Jesus. There on the road with Mary usually Saint John, Mary Magdalen. Mary’s hands soft over mine. Sometimes the light is dim on the road – sometimes Mary weeps. As Father came I did not see him but Jesus, His adorable head bent with sorrow. I leave Mary – rush to His side. So close to Him. I could hear Father’s voice, his prayers, his Mass in my heart. Prostrate with my Jesus I weep to see His eyes fill with tears, to see His body burn with pain. I am so bold, I take my hand and brush back His damp and matted hair, blood, with my hand I soothe his burning brow. Then Jesus turned by heart around and showed me the sins that cause His suffering. He told me of His lonesomeness, and how during His Agony in the Garden His most acute suffering was caused when the sins of this present age passed through His heart and soul. “No one can ever know the suffering of My heart or soul, but you will share the sufferings of My flesh – ‘Men are incredulous, they must be shown.’” Again, I see the tears in the loving eyes of Jesus. “In return, I will give you a love beyond the knowledge and imagination of men.”

We could hear the soldiers coming. I could feel the kiss of Judas on Jesus’ cheek. I fell at His feet and wept. “Oh Jesus, it is my sins that have betrayed You.” All through the night, all through the trials – Herod – Pilate. I hear him ask, “Art Thou a king?” I feel Our Lord’s back slightly straighten and I heard Him answer, “Thou hast said it.” Since then He has told me so often when He appears as Christ the King that His kingdom is in the hearts of men. When Father moved to the gospel side for a minute I saw him. Then quickly I witness the scourging of Jesus. I can hear the crack of the whips – see the blood ripple down Our Lord’s back. Sometimes I slip my hands across His tortured back, sometimes I throw myself across to break the blows. I feel the horror of the hands chained. Then in Jesus’ eyes I see “only love”. All through the passion of Jesus – It is the passion there just as it was on Calvary.

At the Elevation the heavens open and there (are) thousands of adoring angels. I see first the wound appear in the Host, then blood drop slowly down on the world. Sometimes I see souls coming closer, closer – some carried by angels. There I see the suffering crucified body of Jesus. I weep. “Oh my sweet White Dove, in the Kingdom of Your Heart let me build my only home.” There is Mary, Mary, Mother. He is your baby. I weep and wish to share the horror of Her suf-fering. Then I would hold Mary’s hand and a path of lovely clouds and an-gels form – and then Our Lord would come to me. His flesh and blood into my heart. I would melt into Him. Several times He whispered, “You will sing the Mass with your heart.”

Since then the beauty of the Mass increases daily. Since then I live by God’s grace so close in His Sacred Heart – I go with Him, through His passion.

At the Elevation of the Mass, Mary told me one day that, “heaven and earth are one.”

Journal Entry #19 / (Christmas 1947)

Christmas morning, early Mass. The sweetest flesh of Jesus on my tongue, slowly I could feel this petal going into my heart. His most precious blood like honey on my tongue. Then I found myself at the feet of Our Blessed Mother. I wore the black cloak Saint Dominic had given Christmas a year ago.

The light was almost blinding – there were many angels. Our Blessed Mother wore a high grace-ful gold crown and a blue veil, blue dress. In Her arms was Jesus.

As I bent low to adore the Divine Infant, He left His Mother’s arms and came close to me. He placed a heavy crown of thorns on my head. I felt His small soft hand press gently on my fore-head, through the hood of the cloak I could feel the points of the thorns.

My second priceless Christmas gift.

COMMENTARY:

Dorothy’s usual Christmas gift is usually one that is connected with her vocation as a victim soul. Dorothy’s Christmas gift of 1947 was a heavy black cloak, the Dominican cloak of penance. This Christmas it again regards Dorothy’s vocation as a victim in union with Jesus, Mary and Dominic: a heavy crown of thorns.

Journal Entry #20 / (April 1948)

Sitting on the bank by the side of the road where I usually find my Jesus alone. From where Our Lord sits He looks down on the world and often I see tears in His adorable eyes as they were when He wept over the city of Jerusalem. I prostrated myself at His feet and kissed the wounds in His feet, the bleeding sore wounds in His feet. His most precious blood flowing as freely as wine, in-toxicating, with love.

A few months before Our Lord had shown me the most beautiful and startling sight, the soul of my confessor, glorious in God’s heavenly graces. Now as the most precious blood filled my poor heart and soul, I felt my soul enclosed within the most beautiful soul of Father’s. I felt his love of Jesus as gentle as a soft wave against the beach upon my soul. Unable to bear this love I found strength and rest within Father’s soul. Into the adorable wound in Jesus’ feet I breathed all of this love, begging Him in His mercy to shower it on souls. Since then I never drink Our Lord’s blood without this wonderful consolation.

COMMENTARY:

Both Our Lord and St. Dominic chose this confessor and spiritual director for Dorothy and in this grace Our Lord strengthens this bond and reverence for the priest who was chosen to direct Dorothy to Himself. He has shown her that she is in the heart of her confessor with through whom she is united with Jesus.

Journal Entry #21 / (May 22, 1948)

I think this date is correct. I went out to the Monastery in formal clothing. During the Mass, there was a beautiful halo of golden light. Jesus stood there and there were angels adoring Him. He showed me a beautiful gown. It looked like the most beautiful satin, the bottom billowed out and was embroidered with pearls and some colored jewels, there was lace on the neck and sleeves. Our Lord just showed it to me but He did not say anything to me.

COMMENTARY:

This grace is a nuptial one connecting Dorothy to Psalm 45. It alludes to the wedding dress of the Daughter of the king who is to be espoused to the Messiah.

Journal Entry #22 / (July 11, 1948)

At the six o’clock Mass – when I went up to receive Communion (Father served it before Mass). I had on the beautiful dress that Our Lord had shown me at Mass that morning in Guilford. Over my shoulders I had the red cloak (of Charity Our Lord had given me) it is lined with the white cloak of love given me by the Holy Ghost.

The flesh of Jesus absorbed me. I became one with Him. Love that is overpowering filled my heart, my body and my soul – “My Sweet White Dove.” I adored Him, He held my hand. On my finger He placed a ring. It’s a wide ring, looks like platinum, but more beautiful. On the top are two roses caressing each other – they were white, they are alive! I have never had it off but had to remove my other ring because it was in the way of the one Our Lord gave me. Looking so close, I saw the beauty of His eyes. He said, “You belong entirely to Me.” How could I doubt it with the love I felt!

COMMENTARY:

Armed with the red cloak of charity from Jesus and the white cloak of love from the Holy Ghost, Our Lord espouses Dorothy, clothed in her wedding dress, by giving her a wedding ring. The ring has two roses caressing each other that signifying Jesus and Dorothy. From this day Doro-thy always saw this ring on her finger, though it was not visible to anyone else.

Journal Entry #23 / (August 1948)

I heard a swift beautiful noise – like hearing a breeze. Then angels singing. I looked up. There were two of the most beautiful angels carrying a white garment between them, holding a piece of it between His beak, a beautiful White Dove. He placed the cloak around me and told me to give it to Father – a cloak of love – the love of the Holy Ghost.

COMMENTARY:

In the previous grace of July, Dorothy spoke of the white cloak that the Holy Ghost had given to her. In this grace Our Lord Himself placed another white Cloak of the love of the Holy Ghost around Dorothy and told her to give it to her confessor.

Journal Entry #24 / (October 27, 1948)

This morning Father offered his Mass for me. My Jesus showed me not His passion, suffering, but His Infinite Love. I knelt at Jesus’ feet, He was in soft white and wore a heavy gold cloak, a gold crown, plain and beautiful. Mary, in white and blue. On Her head, she wore a wreath of flowers, like liquid diamonds. Our Lord told me once before that they were made of the tears and the love of Her children. Next to me Saint Dominic, Saint Catherine, there was St. Joseph, Jude, Saint Teresa and the Little Flower. Many others. Angels as far as you could see. I had on the beautiful white dress Our Lord had shown me at the Mass at Guilford – like satin, only it was foamy – covered around the neck, wrist and hem with precious jewels, seed pearls and lace. Over my shoulders I wore the dark red cloak lined with the white one – the red Our Lord told me is Divine Charity, the white from the Holy Ghost, “love.”

As Our Lord took my hand and looked at me I said, “I, little Star of Mary, promise Obedience to You, my Jesus, to my Father Saint Dominic, to my spiritual director, according to the Rule and Form of the Order of Penance of Blessed Dominic until death. I little Star of Mary, out of pure love for You, my Jesus, in whose mercy and protection I place all my confidence, choose You, dear Jesus, for my Spouse and consecrate myself to You and promise You Chastity until death. Sweet Mother Mary, help me keep my pledge of love.”

When Our Lord came to me in Communion, His flesh, sweet bread of heaven, my Love on my tongue, then I could feel His fingers against my lips, His hands held like a cup. I drank His most precious blood. Then Jesus – in white with a heavy gold cloak – placed a beautiful blue star, a jewel, over my forehead (I still wear it) saying, “My little Star of Mary, you will shine with My love, through your sufferings, through Father’s Mass, you will lead many souls to Me.” Then He bent and I felt the thrill of His kiss on my cheek. – Oh My beloved sweet White Dove – I melt at His feet.

Our Lord, beautiful in white with a gold cloak, put two beautiful white roses in my hand and told me they were “fragile” and to give one to Father.

Journal Entry #25 / (October 29, 1948)

About the same time, Our Divine Lord suggested to me that it would please Him if I would be willing to lose myself completely to Him by only receiving His flesh and blood through Father at his Mass. No longer to approach the altar railing to receive Him? The thought of this astounded me so much that I tried to forget, I did not tell Father right away. It was the third of November when during Father’s Mass at his Communion I saw my Jesus coming closer to Father, His arms outstretched in love. Then I felt the Sacred Host, His sweetest flesh on Father’s tongue, His most precious blood, warm, alive. We melted into the flesh of my Jesus, my Jesus, through the wound in His side into His Sacred Heart.

Since that morning I have received Our Lord in this manner. May the Most Holy Will of God be adored forever.

Journal Entry #26 / (November 1948)

One noon on my lunch hour I was visiting Jesus at Saint John’s. I longed so much for Him, hun-gered for His flesh. Then I saw Our Lord leave the tabernacle between two beautiful angels. One rose deep gold, one blue deep gold. They came closer to me. As they got very close I did not see Our Lord but felt the angels place the Sacred Host on my tongue – oh – love – Our Lord stood there beautiful in white with a red cloak. He held my hands. He did not talk but His love became so intense I had to beg Him mercy, mercy. “My Jesus, take this love and spread it around to other souls.” Beneath His love I fell prostrate at His feet.

Journal Entry #27 / (Christmas 1948)

As we waited on the road to Calvary, Our Blessed Mother used to take my heart and place it in Father’s. Gradually my heart stayed in his longer periods of time until now it lives there complete-ly. During Mass our Lord gives me this marvelous grace, I feel so close, so one, with Jesus that around Father’s heart I feel the warm living Blood of Christ. All priests’ hearts during the Mass particularly, are within Jesus’.

During Father’s Christmas Mass, after Communion, I knelt at the feet of Jesus, and Mary, Joseph. Mary, beautiful in a heavy blue cloak, with the Divine Babe in Her arms. There was Saint Dominic, St. Catherine, Bl. Martin, many others. The angels sang with glory and joy. Then Jesus bent over and placed through our hearts a cold, black nail. It caused a sharp sweet pain. “Oh my Jesus, don’t ever let it stop.” As I knelt there I felt the wound and that the torn tissues of Father’s heart and mine were held as one by the wound. I am most conscious of this during Mass, but many other times. Yesterday, the feast of the Purification, after Mary showed me Her bleeding Sorrowful Heart, the wound in our hearts bled all day.

Journal Entry #28 / (March 26, 1949)

I stopped at Saint Anthony’s this morning as I walked into Mass. Saint Joseph came to me (as I’ve never seen him) in white with a long dark gold cloak. I begged him to keep our love pure. Then he placed two very small lilies in my hand. They looked like jewels, but they were real. Saint Joseph told me to pin them over your heart (i.e. Father’s). I did as he watched. I was surprised to see them on you as you came out for Mass.

Remember you asked me if I always saw them? Walking home I told Saint Joseph that only my ring and blue star, I could always see. He told me that I would always be able to see your lilies.

St. Joseph watch over us.

COMMENTARY:

This entry marks the last of those in Dorothy’s journal, “Would you let Him suffer alone?”