August 12, 1948

Dear Father Novacki,

Thank you for your note.  I was glad to hear from you … that you are enjoying your vacation.  I will pray for the boy that was hurt, also for your family – you know I do daily.  As for the August 15th Mass, I am still so happy thinking about it that I can’t talk.  Thank you.

This morning before Mass as I knelt there trying to find Our Lord, He came toward me from the tabernacle through a path of clouds and angels, carrying a cross.  He just stood there, showed me His Sacred Heart and let me drink His blood from His wounds.

From the time I got up this morning I was distracted.  Everything distracted me (I am going to switch from the bus back to the trolley), everyone I meet talks to me and I can’t say my rosary.  Is that selfish?

At the Elevation of the Mass I saw the most beautiful wound in the Host and from It slowly dropped three drops of blood.

Then Our Lord’s body nailed to the cross … His handsome head crowned in agony.  As I watched I could feel the pull of His body: His flesh from His bones.  He looked at me, Father.  I was in His Heart and He said: “I thirst.”  I held Him to me and whispered, “Oh sweetest Love, my beloved White Dove, increase my love, increase my love”.  Communion – the flesh of Jesus – the taste of His flesh … the flesh nearest the wounded Heart of Jesus.  I drank the blood from the wound in His Heart; then He took me into it.

Again I was distracted.  The Mass – yours.  I was in the Garden close to Our Lord.  I could hear Our Lord weeping in my heart.  He held the chalice for me to drink.  I could feel it cool against my lips.  I saw the garments ripped off and Our Lord’s flesh too.  Then I saw the heavens open – angels – Our Heavenly Father accepting the love of Christ for souls.  My heart and soul leaped as I saw the priest take his Communion.  

At the prayers at the foot of the altar I saw Our Blessed Mother, St. Michael, and thousands of angels.  Yesterday at Mass, Father – sometimes during it – I could see different saints:  Thomas, Catherine, Albert, and many others walking through clouds close to Calvary.  I knelt with Our Holy Father St. Dominic.

Father, I have had such a hard day: my body ached so that it was like a toothache during Mass.  Yet I could not leave but stayed for the nine o’clock Mass.  I have been so close to Our Lord’s wounds.  Today I wanted to get this written.  I guess Our Lord gave me the strength.  I had so much more to tell you but Our Lady is waiting here.  I will go with her.

Daniel    has been sick again.  Pray for him, please.

I am sure Our Lord … I have forgotten what I wanted to say. Pray for me.  Dorothy

August 16, 1948

Dear Father,

How many times have I told you about meeting Our Lord carrying His cross along the road; that He put down His cross and I kissed the wound that cuts deep into the flesh; that you would think it would hurt Jesus to have me kiss it and yet it doesn’t. Father, yesterday afternoon I met Our Lord again … only He was even closer to me than ever before.  The church, pews had disappeared.  I felt the road beneath as I knelt there – Oh love, love , love.

I stayed with Mary yesterday, though the devil certainly tempted me.  As I knelt before Her in clouds and watched Her beauty, She gave me a sharp pain in my hands.  That, with everything else, I gave back to Her and saw roses at Her feet.  So much of the time I also have the pain in the heart – and have to beg Our Lord to help me to bear it for Him.

Then in the afternoon before I left for home I saw the angels bring Our Lord to me.  I tasted the sweetness of His flesh and blood on my tongue, in my throat, and in my heart.  Then Our Lord stood before me in white and gold and held His hands like a chalice so that I could drink His most precious blood.

Then again in the evening, I drank with a great thirst the blood from the wounds in the feet of Jesus.  (I) begged Our Blessed Mother to give me the strength to give up those last pieces of bread – doughnuts I eat – though I am more than ever convinced that I should – and some days are easier than they were.  I still give in every so often.  Pray for me – I know you do and I thank you.  I feel that on those days that are easier it’s because of your prayers.

Last night as I went to sleep my room was filled with angels.

This morning Our Lord – at your Mass – while watching His agony, gave me also that beautiful peace and love.  At the Elevation I saw the wound in the Sacred Host – blood and water from the side of Christ pour down on souls below.  At the same time I was thrown back against the cross and felt the sweetest pain in my hands and feet.

All morning I drank Our Lord’s blood and felt a peace, and even now.

It’s been a very strange day for me.  First place a religious discussion at work.  I al-ways try to avoid, but they all stood around my table – I don’t want to be a milktoast – So – I said a prayer to the Holy Ghost – and – Yet even then I could see Our Lord’s hands held out before me – and deep sore wounds bleeding that I love to kiss.

Another thing that has thrown me out of my ordinary routine.  I was asked if I would go out to the College  to help a Sr. Thecla assort some furniture into periods.  It leaves me – well, I can’t tell you.  But believe me, I have suffered at the thought.  I called and said I knew nothing about it – But I’m on my way up there now.  I’d be glad to help if I thought I could but the plain truth is I don’t know anything about decorating.  But anyway, I offered it up – I’ll go gracefully.  It’s the same way with writing these letters.  I tell Saint Dominic and Our Lord I don’t know how I’ll ever finish as Our Lord wants me to.

So I felt my Jesus throw His cloak around me and I walk with Him.  Today, Our Lord took me walking with Him and sometimes I would feel His hand tighten on mine.  I would look and see tears in His eyes.  I would weep with Him.  Oh – my Beloved.

Thanks again for your Mass yesterday.  I’m sure I owe all of these graces to your prayers.  Pray for me,   Dorothy           

August 17, 1948 (A)

Dear Father Novacki,

I stopped to visit Our Lord on my way to Albertus last night and as I knelt down at the (altar) railing Our Lord came to me from the tabernacle.  I watched Him coming.  He stood right in front of me.  At the same time, I could smell that heavenly odor that I have told you about.  It’s overpowering.  Fills me with love.  I asked Our Lord if I should go out there  – I had many misgivings.  Our Lord, showing me His Sacred Heart said, “I demand all of your attention for Myself.”  (At the same time, as He has several times in the past week, He placed me before Him at the Monastery.)  Then He told me to go along.  I walked out all the way.  I walked with my Guardian Angel and several others.  We talked all of the way.

Again in the evening Our Lord in white with a brown cloak and sandals came and knelt on one knee – took my hands and (my heart leaps when my beloved is so close) He whispered how much He loves me – and I told Him too.  And my heart sang to Him, “You are my song of Love – Melody immortal – Echo of Paradise – Comes through Heaven’s portal.”  He told me that it was His desire that I give Him my complete adoration in reparation for the outrageous insults He is now enduring.

This morning Our Blessed Mother showed me Her Immaculate Heart with the seven rays of light coming from it. Through the seven wounds made by the swords of sorrows, the seven gifts of the Holy Ghost shine like piercing rays of light down on the world below.

Then I found Our Mother of Sorrows waiting, Father, by the side of the road.  I knelt with Her on the road to Calvary.  She suffers the most horrible grief as we saw Jesus coming.  It was your Mass.  I rush to Him and walked into the garden.  I wept to see His suffering, feeling just helpless.  Then He put His burning hands on mine.  He showed me down on all of the children in the world below – souls, souls!  Our Lord then brought me into His Heart.  I was with Him all night.  I heard Him asked if He were a King.  I felt His strength when He said, “Thou hast said it.”  I saw His bruises, the blood that flowed from His back and felt the burning cuts of the whip and then, Father, I went down deep into those wounds – into sin – it was horrible – I wouldn’t want to tell you if I could.  At the Elevation, I saw Our Lord suffering so I buried my head in Mary’s veil and wept.  At Communion Our Lord’s suffering flesh and burning blood, I tasted on my tongue, in my throat, and in my heart.  Then I melted at His adorable feet.  Then I saw Our Lord’s Sacred Heart – drops of the most precious blood coming from it.  I knelt in clouds at Our Lord’s feet with Mary, St. Joseph, St. Dominic, St. Hyacinth.  I saw these drops of blood forming a rosary in Mary’s hand.  Saint Dominic told me that that was how it was made. “Tell Father to promote Her Rosary for peace and to continue to ask for Her aid and that of Her angels through his Mass.”

Father, I have more to tell you but I must go back to work.  Today is one of those days where I have been suffering all kinds of temptations, particularly as regards to writing all of this to you.  But, Father, Saint Dominic told me to. I am praying for you. Dorothy

August 17, 1948  (B)

Dear Father Novacki,

Believe me, Father, I’m just trembling inside.  I have just been through Our Lord’s wounds.  Five times I had the most violent pain in my feet and each time I went like ice, but even the air I breathed burnt.  I saw the open, burning, bloody wound before me.  Deborah  was with me and, how, I don’t know, but I managed not to scream.  After each pain I felt a couple of minutes of faint – that was relaxing.

After work tonight I walked up to church. I drifted. I have had nothing but coffee in several days.  Our Lord is alone, everyone at dinner.  Father, the strangeness of it all.  There was my Jesus coming to me and I rushed and threw my arms around Him.  Then He sat down on the rock under the tree – we were on top of the world.  I just sat at His feet and rested my head on His knee.  I watched souls with Him.  We didn’t talk.  Our Lord knew how I felt.  I begged Him to give me the grace to appreciate the grace He gives me.  At the same time He knew I long to be like other people.  He knows how I would love to be planning the childrens’ clothes for school.  All at once I felt both peace and turmoil.  I felt that drowsy, numb feeling and I could not help but wonder what would happen if I went off.  I thought, as I felt the hand of Jesus press gently over mine, how men jump at the sight of a bolt of lightning or anything like that.  What can compare to the power of Almighty God that I feel in my miser-able heart and soul.  Father, I just weep and weep at my Beloved’s feet.  I have no other consolation.   Then as I knelt there I lived again with Our Blessed Mother the five sorrowful mysteries of the rosary.

Nearly all day I was with Our Lord in His suffering and at one time I felt a small white dove on the edge of my heart.  It stayed for some time.  All day I kept offering it up to Our Eternal Father through His Divine Son through the Sorrowful Heart of Mary.

While I have time I will tell you there was very little to the trip to Albertus.  They said they wanted an interior decorator.  What really happened was I went through the downstairs rooms of three houses with a young Sister and arranged rugs (that were all at angles! horrors!)  We pushed davenports, etc.  I felt sorry for Sister because it was so hot.  I was tired, but, Father, I’d had no food, just coffee, and we worked from seven to eight-thirty.  I do thank God.

I hope that you are enjoying your vacation.  Still relaxing.  I suppose your idea of relaxing is not to have to answer the doorbell or telephone.

I noticed they are tearing up the sidewalk in front of the church.  In front of the farthest door.  Trouble no doubt.  Pray for me,  Dorothy

August 18, 1948

Dear Father Novacki,

I have to start with this noon.  I was making a visit.  As I opened the door I saw Our Lord waiting.  I rushed to His feet.  Suddenly the church disappeared.  I was kneeling adoring Our Lord in clouds.  There were beautiful angels all around and my Guardian Angel was next to me.  There was Saint Joseph, St. Catherine, St. Dominic.  I saw Mary – Our Lady of Sorrows – in a dark blue veil – gold crown – Her Immaculate Heart pierced with a silver sword.  She bent toward me and said, “You are My star.”  Then She said, “Stella Marie.”  I’m sure She said “Marie,” though it could have been “Maris”.  Bending nearer to me She said, “Your soul shall shine above men as My star!”  I just fell at Her feet shedding tears of joy and sorrow.  Our Lord, Who (was) in white with a gold cloak in a halo of light that was almost blinding, took my hands in His and said, “Star of Mary.”  I was overcome with His love.  He said, “I will increase My love in you.”  I told Him that I had absolutely nothing to give Him.  He said, “I appreciate even the desire to give – not even a desire is ever lost.” And looking down on the world I saw the angels bringing prayers of men to God.  Quickly I said a prayer for the dying through Mary.  Oh love, love, love.  Then Our Lord held the chalice of His blood to me to drink.

Last night I walked along the road till I came to Mary in Her cottage.  There She was, Father, in the kitchen.  Then in came Saint Joseph, then Jesus.  After the suffering Our Lord had given me earlier in the evening I just rested at His feet.  At one time He showed me the Church over the world, the world fields of fire sweeping in the wind.  Then I kissed the wounds in Jesus’ feet and drank His most precious blood.

This morning when I awoke there was Our Lord sitting on my bed, just waiting, the room was filled with angels.  I kissed His hands and held them closer to my cheek.

Just now as I write I felt the most precious blood (three drops) drop into my heart and feel the Sacred Heart in my heart.

At Mass – so beautiful – yours – I was kneeling on the road.  I could see Our Blessed Mother standing with St. John and other saints. Then I saw Jesus coming.  I went into the Garden with Him and slipped my arm over His back as He was bent in prayer and my head against His shoulder.  I could hear His suffering.  I pushed back His damp hair to see His eyes filled with tears.  Then I could hear the soldiers coming.  I saw Judas place a kiss on Jesus’ cheek.  All through the night I kept close to Jesus.  Mary wept with Mary.  At times Our Lord would tighten His fingers around mine.  I threw myself across my Beloved, my sweet White Dove, as they nailed Him to the cross.  Again I could in some way suffer the feeling of last night because as I saw the hammer raised to hit a blow on the nail I could see the sin that caused it.  My heart in the Heart of Jesus.  Three hours, I felt the blood leaving His adorable body drop by drop – growing weaker and weaker.  At the Elevation [i.e. Consecration] I was in Our Lord’s Heart on the cross before the throne of the Eternal Father.  Our Lord said, “There is room for the world in My Heart.”  I knelt at the foot of the cross to receive Communion.  I saw Him come down, I felt myself absorbed into Him.  I felt His suffering flesh on my tongue, in my throat, in my heart, and Our Lord held me against His breast and said, “With desire I have desired to eat this Pasch with you.” You have my prayers,   Dorothy

August 19, 1948

Dear Father Novacki,

Indeed the love that Our Lord gives me at times is beyond the imagination of men.  How could I tell you or even try to tell you of last evening before the Blessed Sacrament.  Such a drowsy feeling at times, then other minutes when I’m sure the angels held me up.  At one time Jesus stood before me and showed me His Sorrowful Heart.  Then he opened it up to me to see the love it holds.

Then during the novena I tried to say my Rosary vocally with the others.  All of a sudden my breath was completely cut off.  I could not utter a word.  Then I saw Our Lord standing in front of me as He did Magdalen.  I knelt with Our Blessed Mother (she held my hand).  I saw the Holy Ghost descend upon the Apostles.  I saw the angels come (I knelt with St. John) to take Our Lady to Heaven.  I knelt at Her feet and saw Her crowned with the most beautiful crown made of the tears and love of Her children.  I begged for souls.  All of those I could remember.  I brought them one at a time to Our Lord’s feet. Then Blessed Martin  showed me his basket filled with roses.  At Benediction I begged Our Lord to bless the whole world, and as I kissed the wounds in His feet, looking up I saw Our Lord holding the world in His hand.

This evening, Father, I am not feeling well – all day.  I went this noon to Saint Casmir’s   because I can feel so alone there with Our Lord.  I just put my head down and wept at His feet.  All morning He has shown me His sorrow – His wounds – His suffering.  At Communion this morning – I felt Our Lord’s sweetest flesh and His blood on my tongue, in my heart.  Then crowned with thorns – bleeding sore wounds – He held me in His arms so close, so close to His breast I could hear the sorrow of His Heart and wept.  Strange – but all at once I felt the Father, the Son, and breath of the Holy Ghost over me – I melt at the feet of God.

Your Mass.  The passion, the Most Holy Sacrifice – took place in Heaven.  I knelt there with Our Blessed Mother, my heart in the Suffering Heart of Jesus, torn with tears I went down in the sin alone – my soul left, and went alone down into sin into Hell.  Father, all I could think of was that I had been bitten by the most horrible snake. Oh sin that crucified my love, my sweet White Dove.  All day I have been weeping.  It’s about seven now and you know. Like this noon, Father, as I knelt before Jesus I didn’t know just what happened – may-be I did go out – something happened.

At your Mass – before it – I knelt so quietly with my Guardian Angel.  Then as I looked up the road I saw Mary.  I rushed to Her and went into the garden with Jesus.  I knelt next to Him.  I had on the black and white that St. Dominic gave me.   Suddenly, there stood Our Lady of Sorrows, more beautiful than ever – beyond description in a bank of opal-like clouds.  In one hand she had your heart.  On Her Heart there was a small shiny star.  I knelt at Her feet with St. Dominic.  She said, “Live My Rosary through the Mass.” Then Mary took my hand and I knelt with Her at the foot of the cross, the bleeding feet of Jesus.  I bury my head in Her veil at the sight of His suffering – yet my heart leaps to see the love with which He offers Himself to the Eternal Father.  To see the wound in the Sacred Host.

At noon again (I was at St. Casmir’s).  Then just at noon I went through that same pain that I had Tuesday evening.  Oh my Jesus, my Love, I watched.  Oh Father, I have no words – I wept.  My sweet White Dove dying on the Cross and my soul leaves and goes down – down.  Yet I feel my wrist in the wrist of Jesus.  I feel His strength – some way.  At times as I watch, Our Lord gave me such love I feel that He will not let me share His suffering.  Yet other times I feel as if I had so much to bear that I must run away.

You know all the graces that Our Divine Lord gives me.  And yet even now I am so hurt, because I would like to go with them  and do things – am I selfish – Oh Eternal Father, I offer this through the Sorrowful Heart of Mary through Your Divine Son. I pray for you, Dorothy

August 20, 1948

Dear Father,

On my way home from work last evening I stopped to visit Our Lord.  He came to me (I watched Him coming) from the tabernacle.  He had on a red cloak and He was crowned with thorns and there were drops of blood on His forehead and cheek.  He showed me the wounds in His hands and feet and then He let me kiss the wound in His side and drink His most precious blood.  He pressed nails against my hands – just as He did as a boy in the workshop of Saint Joseph.   Do you remember?  Afterwards He took my hand and we walked and walked.  Our Lord showed me so many souls.

All evening, Father, I was in the Garden with Jesus, wept and wept with Him – we were on top of the world, at times I could hardly breath – pains.  Of course, they seem silly to mention – compared to those I witness in the eyes of Jesus – my love, my love.

All night Our Lord kept waking me up for like the Apostles I could not watch with Him.  Then when I finally woke up around four o’clock, I was startled because I was crowned with thorns – there was blood and perspiration pouring from my forehead.  I was burning (as if on fire) inside.

Peter  just came in and he wants me to go to the movies with him on my birthday.  Those things are the ones that hurt.  That I must say I can’t.  Because they hurt him so much.

Riding into church this morning I was with Mary during Our Lord’s suffering – some-times we were so close I could feel His footsteps.  Yet when I reached church I was so distracted with silly little problems.  Our Lord stood in front of me, beautiful in white, and showed me His Sorrowful Heart.

When Our Lord came to me at Communion – again He wore the red cloak.  He held His wounded hands so close – Those wounds so rich, so beautiful, so sore, so suffering.  I see them; then, Father, this is what happens as I watch or kiss them – they become, before my eyes, so large. I go right through them, and as I do I feel the suffering, the agony and I know the sin that caused it.  Our Lord allows me to go so deeply into that sin that I seem to feel Hell in my very breath.  Oh Jesus have pity, have pity.  I didn’t care if I never came back as long as I was with Our Lord.

Thank Our Lord and Blessed Mother for having given me the grace this week to have only nibbled a couple of crackers.  Yet I’ve worked all week – no sugar in my coffee.

Father, at the Elevation of one Mass this morning I saw souls, thousands of them, entering Our Divine Lord’s Heart and mine leaped and my poor soul so thrilled I fell again at the feet of my Love to drink His most precious blood.

Father, I can’t seem to remember very well tonight.  Thank you for your prayers.  You know that you have mine and all those you love. Dorothy

August 21, 1948

Dear Father Novacki,

Last evening before the Holy Hour, I just was so tired that I just rested at Our Lord’s feet.  I felt just like an open wound throbbing.  When it would get so I would think I could not bear it I would feel Our Lord’s strength and twice He held the chalice to my lips and He nourished me with His most precious blood.  Even as the Holy Hour started I was tempted to leave.  During the rosary – as I held Mary’s hand and wept as I knelt beside Her and saw Our Lord stop and look at Her as He carried His cross. Oh, Mary, it is your child.  We watched Him hanging on the cross.  Father, I saw His heart – so beautiful with a small white cross burning above it, like the one Our Lord gave me

I begged Our Lord during the Holy Hour to give me the grace to appreciate the graces He pours into my soul – but you know Father – if I did, how could it have hurt me so to have had to refuse Peter – and the thought of my birthday and how to get by it gracefully (We al-ways have parties, we really celebrate) have been so distracting to me.  Yet Father, I kept asking Our Lord to forgive me and I told Him – Not my will but His be done.  About the only prayer up until this time that I heard  was “confirm in me oh Jesus the work of Thy grace.”  Then I saw two beautiful angels – one on each side of Our Lord in white coming to-ward me.  Then, oh my love, I felt His blood, alive and warm, on my tongue, in my throat, in my heart.  Then I melted at His feet.  His love, so powerful, overtook me so that I begged His mercy – Oh my Jesus – shower this love on souls that are about to die.

All during the Holy Hour I could see drops of the most precious blood on the Sacred Host.  I could kneel and watch forever.

I have had a lot of pain for the last few days – particularly this morning when I woke up.  It seemed as if I could not find Our Lord, but when I went into church and knelt down there I was kneeling at Our Lord’s feet at the side of the road.  I was so glad to find Jesus there then, I begged Him for souls – thanked Him for His love, asked for so much.  Father, I just rested again.  Even at Communion Jesus, beautifully simple in a brown cloak and sandals on His feet, took my hands in His and pressed His cheek against mine, so gently.  He knew I could tell He knew how sick I felt.  Then holding His hands like a chalice He let me drink His most precious blood.

I stayed until after the nine o’clock Mass.  All of the time, Father, I just seemed to be in this glow – sometimes Our Lord’s love was as I have told you – like the waves on the beach on a still summer night.  Afterwards, just as I was leaving, I apologized to Our Lord for my lack of sharing His sorrow with Him.  Then He said,  “It is My pleasure to give you this love, I want you to share it as you do My sorrow.” – my love – my Jesus.  

Father, I write to you through Tuesday.  I think I had better tell you how I remember what I am to do.  Friday I’ll be at church waiting at ten o’clock until ten forty-five.  If you haven’t come then I’ll phone you.  I’ll be back at church at one o’clock.  I’ll just wait for you.  If this isn’t right please drop me a card.

Father, please remember a little girl, that had her face badly smashed up – and open by a golf club.

P.S.  I’ll remember you, especially tomorrow – the Feast of Mary’s Immaculate Heart. Pray for me Father.  Dorothy

August 22, 1948

Dear Father,

As I knelt before Our Lord in the Most Blessed Sacrament – just loving Him, Our Lady stood before me – in a bank of clouds – St. Dominic and you were kneeling next to him.  Our Lady told me, holding out the Rosary, that it was the same blood that nourished my soul.  Then looking down on the world she said, “God demands reparation and penance.”  I said, “Oh Mary, without You we can do nothing.”  She said, “I will come to the aid of My children and bring My angels to crush the enemy if I am asked through My Rosary, through My Immaculate Heart.”  Then at Her feet I begged Her to help all Dominicans.  She said, “I will spread My mantle over them and strengthen them if they increase their efforts in the spreading of the devotion of My Rosary, and you My little star, live and suffer My Rosary with Jesus through the Mass for souls.”  Kneeling there looking down with Mary I saw so many souls, souls of the dying, souls dead in sin.

If you had been in New Haven I’d have run to the nearest phone, I was so anxious to tell you.  You see, Father, when our Blessed Mother appeared I was standing with you and St. Dominic on the side of a road.  St. Dominic was talking. 

Then later the most horrible thing happened.  The devil came.  He did everything in his power to tear me to pieces.  It was the most terrible thing, I could feel him trying to tear me.  I shook.  All the time my soul seemed still.  I kept saying, “Oh my Jesus – oh Mary, send him away.”  Finally it was unbearable and I called, “Oh Eternal Father, through the Immaculate Heart of Mary, through the sacrifice of Your Son hear me.”  And with that the devil ran, ran.  Shortly afterward a soul came to me and said, “I have just been released from the power of the devil.”  It was a soul filled with delight.

This morning at Communion Our Lord, beautiful in white with a gold sash – His power, His love that I feel as his flesh and blood on my tongue, in my throat, in my heart, there to store my love.  I held up my ring to Him to bless again and as He did the roses were drops of His most precious blood.  He held me close,  I could feel His hands against my cheeks – then pressing my hands against His Heart, I could hear His Heart beating.  All through the suffering of Jesus this morning at Mass He seemed to be showing me His love of us.  As they tore the garments from Him I could not breath, I could feel His flesh torn from Him – and I fell at His feet and wept.  I held Him close and whispered my love to Him (it seemed as if He couldn’t hear) as they nailed Him to the cross.  I kissed the blood that came from His adorable mouth.  Then beauty beyond all beauty!  I saw His body a beautiful – life beyond all life – above the world – a beautiful white cross!  It seemed to burn over the world, just as the one Our Lord put in my heart burnt too.  At the same time Our Lord showed me how His Heart and the Heart of His Mother are as one.

Thank you again, Father, for all of your prayers, most of all for remembering me at Mass. Dorothy

August 23, 1948

Dear Father,

I was talking to Our Lord at the cottage at Nazareth yesterday.  I don’t know just what we were talking about, but I know that I told Our Lord that I only wished I could do something well for Him.  I told Him that I don’t accomplish anything.  Our Lord said, “All I ask of you is to adore Me.

Others will take care of the work.  I want you to live as a victim of love and an exam-ple of reparation.”  Then Our Lord showed me a huge jewel cross with a beautiful golden light in back of it.

I was at St. Casmir’s.  Father, I was so sick that for a second the idea passed that I should call home and ask someone to come up after me, until I suddenly realized that I must place my trust completely in God and if I pass out, well I pass out – that’s all.  However Our Lord came to me between two beautiful angels – one in red, the other in blue, and then – oh my love – I tasted the sweetest flesh of Jesus and His most precious blood on my tongue, in my throat, and in my heart.

Later in the evening I knelt down with Our Blessed Mother to say my rosary, but Father, I never really seem to say it as I used to – I think I do as Mary says- live it.  For I weep with Jesus all through His passion and feel at last His feet growing cold in death against my cheeks.  I drink His most precious blood.

This morning Father (it is my birthday) – Our Lord came to me as I knelt at the altar railing (I had on the black and white,  and the crown of thorns ) and He said, “You have chosen to come with Me, I will fill your heart with the love of the Holy Ghost beyond the comprehension of men.”  (He held my hands in His) I sang to Him.  I beg Him for graces and souls.  Then He placed His hands over my head and He put above it a blue star of a precious stone.  “Oh my Jesus, You give me so much.”  [Jesus said] “Nothing I will give you in this world will compare to the reward that awaits you in heaven.”

At your Mass again this morning, Father, I was so sick.  I thought I might not go to work (but I did).  There was a small white dove over the garden.  From it there as a soft light by which I watched the passion of Our Lord.  By the time I went up to Communion I was weeping so much I begged Our Lord not to let anyone see me.  Oh Father, at Our Lord’s feet I seem to kneel in a garden of joy and love.  That kept increasing so much that I begged Our Lord to shower it on other souls.  Then He was holding my hand, we were like on a balcony in the clouds far above the earth looking down.  We started to walk down, down.  We started to walk down through a path of beauty.  I thought how peaceful it is.  Our Lord, knowing what I thought, said, “There is always peace for those who walk with Me.”  Oh yes, Father, after Communion this morning, Our Lord, (He did last week too) had a card in His hand.  Last week I thought it had writing on it.  But today I thought I saw a picture of the Divine Child of Prague.  How much of that is correct, I’m not sure.

This noon – close to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament – I have never seen such beauty!  Clouds, angels – Our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, others – Our Lord in a rich red cloak – gold crown – cloak trimmed with ermine.  Such power beyond all power, my Jesus.  Oh my love – I said, “My sweet White Dove – come into Your Kingdom – rule over the hearts of men.  In my heart rule alone.”  He said, “Anything you ask of Me I will give you.”  You may be sure as I knelt spellbound at His majesty I asked for His most precious graces for you, and your work. Pray for me,  Dorothy

August 24, 1948

Dear Father Novacki,

Last evening Deborah and I went up to St. Mary’s.  We were saying the Rosary as I went with Our Blessed Mother close to Jesus in His suffering.  I suddenly knew that I wasn’t really praying.  I could feel that I was so affected by Our Lord’s suffering, and I was weeping, because at one time Our Lord turned my heart around inside of His and we were looking down upon His children for a quick second.  I sort of felt the love that made Our Lord suffer so willingly.  Sometimes Our Lord shows me that at the sight of a cripple – though, as He told me Sunday, not bodies, but souls crippled in sin.  I begged Mary to ask that I do not show this suffering on the outside.  Then just before I left, I saw the feet of Jesus nailed to the cross, so close, so close did Our Lord show me the wound that I almost screamed, but instead placed my lips against it and drank the blood so warm, so sweet, so alive.

All evening I seemed to stay at the foot of the cross with Mary.

This morning, Father, though Our Lord woke me up and again held out His hands to me, and then I saw, Father, I saw His heart – drops of blood slowly coming from it and I kiss His heart and drank His blood – oh love, oh love.  Yet then I seemed alone.  I couldn’t find Our Lord or Mary, and yet Our Lord has not left me alone for weeks now in His love and mercy.  How kind He is to me! 

When Mass started I was with Mary and St. John.  There was over everything a deep quiet peace.  I bent over and held my Love close to me as they were about to hammer the nails through His hands and feet.  I felt the crown of thorns against my finger.  I saw the heavens open up at the Elevation and the most beautiful wound pouring forth from Our Lord’s side blood and water.  I saw souls coming from all over.  I held tightly to Mary’s hand and saw the angels form a path and My Jesus coming down from the cross to me at Communion.  Oh Father, for so long I tasted Our Lord’s sweet flesh and blood and could smell the heavenly odor of the Bread of Angels and melted at His feet.  Oh Father, even as I write this the air is filled with a fragrance that is unearthly.  I think it is the roses of the Little Flower.  I believe she calls me.  I will go with her now to Benediction.  Yes, Father, she is here.  She knows that today I have been going down and down.  She saw Our Lady place the Rosary around my heart this morning.

I will not write again until you have been to New Haven.

I will pray for your trip and that God’s will be done in your election. Pray for me,  Dorothy

October 30, 1950 to Fr. Smolenski

I enjoyed your letter – it came at a time when I was feeling rather low.  It was all that I needed to change the mood.  The Lord is good … Our Lady is quite concerned about the spreading of the rosary – especially among the young people … She is just repeating over and over her plea at Fatima – now she says, “The rosary must become part of men’s daily lives” – So both you kids make this a special intention – I’m sure in return Mary will “shower  her blessings upon you” (to quote A. LaF.)

November 27, 1950  to Fr. Smolenski

I have practically no company that you can see – !!! But lots of company, thank God!

January 23, 1951  to Fr. Smolenski

Sorry to hear about your accident.  Is the ankle better?  Those things can get you down – yes?  I hope and pray that you have resigned yourself to everything.  As you know we must take up our cross “daily”.  I appreciate your longings and desires – however, you will never attain them unless you accept today.  To put on a different garment, to move into another house or building isn’t going to affect your happiness very much.  The way to Christ is by the cross.  I honestly think that if you want to become closely united to Jesus you must accept all of these trials.  They are a test.  If you do, He will reward you with more grace.  If you don’t, He’ll never take it from you, but you’ll probably flounder around.  You’ve heard the part of the marriage ceremony that goes “sacrifice is tiresome and irksome but true love makes it easy, perfect love makes it a joy.” … You say that you probably made this cross yourself.  The heaviest crosses are those we make ourselves. … My letters will not be long – but every morning I remember you at Mass – and when I talk to Our Lord or our Blessed Mother, I’ll (tell) them of your troubles … I do wish you would offer everything up to Mary that her demands for many rosaries will be answered.  We need your help.

March 3, 1951 to Fr. Smolenski

I’ll never get caught up with all of your very nice letters.  You know I had (and still have more) those letters to get out for Our Blessed Mother – they come first.  Yesterday I mailed the last to pastors of churches in the States – now I’m going to send them to schools, hospitals, etc.  Thank you for your prayers.  I am sure that they helped a great deal – continue them …

February 22, 1953 to Fr. Smolenski

Fr. N. asked me to write and tell you that he has mailed the statues [ ?  – leaflets] of St. Dominic, “The Good Provider”.  I am trying to spread this, please help me, for I have found that there is nothing spiritual or material that St. Dominic will not obtain for one, if you promise a rosary or a Mass for the suffering souls – As he believed we should use all possible means to attract souls to God, he also is providing generously for his sisters and priests, so in this day when it is so hard for most people to provide for their families, they should be told about St. Dominic the “Good Provider”.  By the way, every time I tell anyone this, I receive some wonderful gift from St. Dominic.

I keep your cousin in my prayers, so does Father.  Four years ago the angels nailed my heart to the foot of the cross for Poland.

August 6, 1954  to Msgr. La Femina

Through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

This morning, as I was kneeling before Our Lord in the Most Blessed Sacrament, begging Him to deliver me from these distractions that seemed to keep me from Him, Our Lord let me understand the following by His grace.  In our desire to live our life close to Our Lord, to grow closer to Him, we probably spend a great deal of time trying to rid ourselves of distractions.  I am sure that this is one of our major battles.  Yet we probably get over-anxious, and as a result, the devil edges in and keeps us more involved in ourselves that we would be ordinarily.  As Our Lord showed me a soul in this predicament from the beginning of its life here on earth.  This is not its true home.  But as Our Lord knows, from birth until death we are surrounded by constant distractions and the things of earth.  We will either give all of these distractions to God – and live a life of meditation in some degree – or we will strive for the material only, and be His enemy.  By making the morning offering, we give Our Lord everything that we do or think; and by making frequent ejaculations we increase the love that we offered in the beginning of the day.  It fills our mind more and more with thoughts of Our Lord, His Blessed Mother, and the Saints.  Soon we will find parallels in our lives with that of Our Lord and the Holy Family while on earth.  The more we keep making these acts of love the more our thoughts and hearts are with Our Lord.  By His grace, and as simply as that, we draw closer to God, and our lives become one of meditation.  These distractions of earth are the things that bring us closer, by constantly offering them to God, through His Blessed Mother, the saints, and our Guardian Angels.

Then, too, I was thinking of a person who offered his Mass for the suffering, war-torn people that he had read of in the paper.  Having made the offering, he said he could not carry his thoughts of them through the Mass.  I wondered just what he expected of himself.  Does he think that this thought should cause him to suffer with them through the whole Mass?  Rather, he should be grateful for the grace that gave him this thought, this prayer of Christ-like compassion for souls ….  It is to Our Divine Savior like the look of His Mother on the road to Calvary; it is like the veil of Veronica against His burning face.  These moments of compassion, to our earthly eyes, may appear fleeting, but when placed in the Heart of Jesus through the Mass, they have a powerful and lasting effect, as long as we desire to live united to Our Lord on earth and with Him in Heaven.

I hesitate to write these thoughts for fear they are wrong and may be from the devil – in a word, to console myself because I cannot keep my thoughts, words, and deeds just as Our Lord wants me to.  Do I try to seek an easy way out?  In a sense, I am seeking an easy way by following the above way or method, but only because Our Lord says, “My yoke is sweet, and My burden is light.”

July 6, 1957 to Fr. Smolenski

Yesterday morning while I was visiting our Lord in the Bl. Sacrament, this came to me.  I do know that it fits me very much of the time.  Under the guise of “pray for them” I often feel that I talk too much and when I do I always get very disagreeable and bite off any-one’s head that comes my way.  it is usually when I have gone out of my way to see [ i.e. say] things about people that I cannot help.  All that I can do is pray for them.  Even if I do not talk about it to others, it is what I call “mental gossip” …

As Father always says, “Do not make comparisons”.  Remember no matter what you see you cannot see into the heart of a man like our Lord does. I often think that maybe the people that I think are so wrong may look entirely different in the eyes of our Lord.  It would well be that we who are critical might be more guilty.  I will  admit that these things are not right, however there may not be one bit of malice.  Although they fail so often they may be trying harder to overcome their faults than we are.  Afterwards they may be overcome by a deeper, truer, sincere contrition than we have ever known.  Always remember our dear Lord’s words: “Let him who is without sin cast the first stone.”  Try not to cast these mental stones and you will not have to worry about talking.  We are our brother’s keeper but we are not his judge.  If you can help in any practical way, do it.  If not, close your eyes to the faults of others and walk thru, begging our Lord and Bl. Mother’s help.

I worked for a man who drank all of the time.  He had the world’s worst disposition.  He swore every time he came within fifty feet of you.  I did not like it, but I had two little children to support.  So I took his abuse for the reward that I would receive every Friday.  The pay was good.  He was a brilliant man, talented, he piled up money, what made him drink?  I tried not to see that he drank and was happy on the occasions that I found him sober …Well, St. Terese says that as long as you are trying your best that is all that is necessary.  We only have to please God.  Very often to the one that He would draw closer to Him-self, He gives this particular cross  [i.e. misunderstanding], and it should be a wonderful opportunity to advance in grace.  But if your mind is occupied with a favorite pastime of so many “mental gossip”, all of these graces are wasted.

I probably will not mail this until I ask Father as I do not want to walk in where an-gels fear to tread. I am sure this is all a trial, and a great chance to advance in grace, grow closer to our Lord.  Spiritually you have found a gold mine.  So while you are in it, I sure need more prayers for myself and intentions.

December 6, 1957 to Fr. Smolenski

If we could only not be so rapt up in ourselves.  Examination of conscience is wonderful, but to keep analyzing oneself is surely a tool of the devil.

I am certain that St. Dominic will answer your prayers.  Just keep spreading the devotion for the dying as he told me: “for the greater honor and glory of God, and the salvation of souls.”

In our holy father St. Dominic [and] begging the Holy Spirit to help you read this letter.

January 3-4, 1962 tape to Fr. Novacki

(Story about Clover – Dorothy’s dog – eating the butter.) Oh, we’re (Anthony Ventura and Dorothy) just waiting for you. Yesterday afternoon, coming out from Mass, I said to Anthony, oh, I said, just let’s go straight on down to Washington. And he said, well, wait a minute until I call my mother and call Gus to bring my father home. Well, I haven’t had any calls from Sisters anyway, so far, in the last two days. Sister Louis Betrand called Monday night, just as I was making some cookies before Anthony’s mother came, and I had to tell her because I only had about a half an hour, I got home so late from O’Neills’ and then I didn’t even get any rest.  So I just had to tell her, and so she understood. She didn’t get time to ask me whether you’re coming or not,  Oh dear, I have my problems with those girls and I only wish … you know, well, I don’t want to be a hermit completely …. I guess I’m an odd ball, as I’ve told you before.

It’s getting dark here now and I hear my birds out there screaming at me. I hope I have something for them.  I kind of debate as to whether to make a couple of sandwiches and save Anthony money.  I guess I will because I have stuff and might as well use it up because tomorrow is Friday. And I wish you were going with us. Oh Lord,  … but I just miss you, particularly at the Shrine when I go over there, you know.  It seems to me as if so much is lost.  Now, for instance, over at St. Mary’s, they jammed the poinsettias … they must have had fifty poinsettias on the main altar. They were jammed so that it looked like a solid red bank.  Well, that doesn’t make them pretty, you know? Over at St. Stanislaus they had larger ones, but they were separated and so the flowers looked lacey and pretty. Now, at St. Stanislaus this morning, the flowers – the poinsettias – are fresh almost as the day they put them out, and over at St. Mary’s they’re a pack of brown dried leaves.  And they’ll stay there, you know, until after the sixth. But I will say there’s a big improvement … they have a small crib. The statues, they’re on the same order, but nowhere near as nice as the other ones. I mean, they’re not pretty even, and you can get pretty ones at the five-and-ten. But I like the size of it better.  At first I thought maybe Skip made the crib, but he didn’t I could see it was one they bought…. I mean the stable. But it’s a better size and it fits right there where the little shrine used to be, you know. I should say, maybe, it’s about four feet by three at the top point, anyway, you know.  And, of course, Brother Anthony fixes it nicely.  

Last night the girl downstairs knocked on my door and she brought me the most beautiful sort of orchid chrysanthemum plant, a potted plant from the florist.  And on the top of it was a little pearl and net butterfly.  And they brought it to me for a belated Christmas present and because I was so nice about taking their mail in and so forth, which I thought was nice.  She’s very pleasant. I guess he’s alright, but he’s odd.

 No date tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

This morning we walked over with Our Blessed Mother, and oh, your Mass was so beautiful, so beautiful, you know.

April 28, 1963 tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

Yesterday morning I didn’t get to write. I went to St. Stanislaus’ [Church] because I thought I’d have to leave before Mass was over. But fortunately I didn’t, and it was your Mass.  And, well, as I was thinking – and telling Our Lord the other night – over and over, and more and more, every Mass is your Mass.  I mean, over and over now, I feel one with you in Our Lord’s heart through so many of the Masses that are being offered throughout the day… which shows us all that in the love of Our Lord, … Our Lord wants us all to be just one with Him, and the only place we’ll find peace is where there is no identity of our own – none but His.

Then, I do remember – after we received Our Lord – why, Our Lord just put what looked like a huge bouquet of roses, and they were really living and beautiful. Of course, you just hold them for a minute and they’ve gone.  And then this morning, after we received Our Lord, we were at His feet for awhile alone with Him. And then suddenly the whole courts of heaven opened up and Our Blessed Mother was there and St. Joseph, and St. Anne, and  St. Dominic, and Sts. Martin, Catherine, Theresa,  Francis, all of them, you know, St. Anthony … and there next to me was St. Peter.  Well, of course, I have seen him, but not been so close to him in a long time … I love him!

November 24, 1963 tape to Fr. Novacki

Oh, you know, I’m so bothered with that odor!  As I told you in my letter yesterday, without thinking I’d jump up and I’d run to look to see if anything’s burning…. But last night, just as I was going to sleep again, it started up again … . I can’t seem to pray!  Well, I thought I’d try. But, then afterwards – now this happened several times during the past week – I would see Our Lord. He was standing just like a few feet up above me, and I don’t see all of Him – I don’t see His feet, but just maybe down to His knees … and He’s sort of in a golden haze.  He’s standing there, and on His head is that thin crown of gold, and His hands are tied, and His face looks so sad – though mostly … He directs my eyes to His hands being tied.

This morning in church, suddenly I felt just within you, one in Our Lord, and I felt His steps as He walked into the Garden. And I think I heard Him talk occasionally to the apostles as He went in.  And … in His heart, in His heart … and then Our Lord was praying.  I was distracted, but anyway, I suddenly came back to Our Lord just as your soul was leaving and going down, down, down into the filth, and I could hear you whispering words of love to these souls, these souls that are moaning and screaming, and buried in filth.  And, then, most clear this morning was how the cross cut into Our Lord’s shoulder; the weight of it cutting into His flesh to the bone.  And then I saw Veronica run to Him and felt her veil against His face. And the pain stopped, and it was just as if Our Lord pressed you to His heart … anyway, that’s the way I feel, it’s as if Our Lord just pressed you … like to His heart.  And then through His suffering … and, oh, most terrible this morning was Our Lord’s eyes dripping with blood …. and He raised them and looked, and saw them just going to hit the first blow into His flesh … the nail … and then for the three hours as He hung on the cross until the pain became so intense I didn’t remember anything until the Elevation.  The beauty of the Elevation, when all His pain ceases … and all His love and Our Lord’s blood pours forth over the world. Now I saw Our Lord coming towards us, and He wore a simple white garment. He was barefooted, but He had a beautiful crown of gold on His head, and His cloak that blew in back of Him in the breeze, that was just covered with jewels, both outside and the lining, and it appears to be gold and white.  And now His flesh and blood on your tongue, and in your throat, and in your heart.  And at His feet I was telling Him all my complaints, as usual, about this odor and everything. And then, now Our Lord just pressed me to His heart … I felt Him as He pressed you … presses you, rather, you know, I felt it through you.  And Our Lord said: “This is your peace. This is the kingdom that you seek.”  Oh, love, love, love, and we just melted into Him.

No Date tape to Fr. Novacki

And then the Elevation was so beautiful … and I saw Our Lord then afterwards coming towards you, coming in a simple white garment with a gold sash.  But over it, sort of flying in back, was this beautiful, beautiful jeweled cloak, and on His head a beautiful crown of gold.  And I felt His flesh and blood upon your tongue, and in your throat, and in your heart.  And afterwards, at His feet … I guess I was complaining about this odor, and, oh, so many things. And then I felt Our Lord press you against His heart, just like He did St. John, and He said: “This is where your peace is. This is the kingdom that you seek.”  And … well … then we just sort of melted, I guess, Father, and that’s all I ever knew.

August 21, 1963  tape to Fr. Novacki

[This tape is about a visit made to Dorothy by two priests involved in priestly formation]

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

Well, I had to talk to you yesterday, you know.  I talk along and I buzz along and everything, and then, afterwards, I get so panic stricken! I think this is when I miss you the most. You know, it’s when you’re not here, and not sitting there, so that if I am making any mistakes ….  And then, this Father G. – he did this before, too – would throw questions at me. And I wouldn’t answer them right, I guess, because when I’d get through, I’d say, “Well does that answer your question?,” and it would usually be, “No.”  But, however, …. I think, well, why do they ask me how to meditate? He asked me if I had a pattern … like one morning thinking about this before I went to Mass, another morning thinking about that. And, of course, I explained it to him, that, no, I didn’t think about anything. I mean I just started, usually, saying my prayers.  And I tried to explain it to him, and about the union with the Mass.  Well, finally, they both talked to me and questioned me because they are both going to teach, and they found that these meditations, as Father G. said, are so cold, and he doesn’t think he gets any place with the boys. They sit there for the fifteen or twenty minutes, whatever is prescribed, and they think about the mediation for a couple of seconds, you know.  Well, then, I explained that I thought the best material for meditation was the gospels and the rosary.  And I also told them that I didn’t think they should be afraid to use their imagination, particularly in meditating on the rosary, as to the weather, the conversation, and what St. Joseph and Our Blessed Mother were getting ready for their trips, and things like that, because, I said, otherwise you cannot meditate on anything – because if you know those things, I mean, if you are fortunate enough to be so well versed in Scripture that you have a better idea, well that’s fine –  but if you don’t, I said, fill it in yourself with your imagination because the Lord gave it to you, and, otherwise, of course your meditation is going to be very short, and it isn’t going to be very colorful, and it isn’t anything you’re going to be bothered thinking about too much.   But I said, now like in the gospels of St. Luke you can find lots of things that are easy to build on, and to imagine what the rest of it was like.  And then I told them, too, to teach them that where you should learn perfectly the “Our Father” and the “Hail Mary” and think of the words at other times during the day – but, during the rosary, to make it a song of love going along in back, and that the main thing was mediation.  And I said the more you try to do that, and the more you try to connect these meditations with your daily life and with the people you meet, why then, the more grace Our Lord will give you and the more enlightened your mind will be by the Holy Spirit quite naturally.  But, I said, if you’re going to spend fifteen minutes a day mediating on the virtue of purity or something, well, that might be good, but, personally I think that, well, … it isn’t a waste of … , but in a way it’s a waste of time because – unless you’re writing a paper on it or something – otherwise, Father, Our Lord will take care of that. As St. Teresa said, when it’s necessary for you to have those graces, those graces will be there.  But, personally, I think that we should meditate on Our Lord’s life on earth, and on His resurrection, and on the Mass – it’s all  the story of the Mass.  Of course, I go on, and on, and on …  and, as I say, they’re throwing these questions at me about, well, let’s see if I can remember anything else because it was a long session.  …. Oh yes, then I tried to go back and say, you know, how for years I used the missal, and how much I enjoyed it, and I got a lot of pleasure out of it, and I think you should certainly use the missal.  And I tried to show how, like a couple of weeks ago or a week ago when Our Lord was chasing the money changers, how I saw that during the Mass at one time or another – but they weren’t selling material goods – it was souls that were coming to Our Lord with cold hearts and things.

And so this morning after we received Our Lord, I was telling him, of course, all I’ve been telling you, you know, how upset I am and everything, and Our Lord told me – and I told Him, I said I talk too much and I don’t think, you know, I mean I’m not using my head … and that’s what I asked him: “I wonder,” I said, “am I like other people?”  I mean, to me this love is so simple. But, of course, I think Father G. said that worries him because he is teaching all the time, he’s preoccupied how can he pray. I said you can pray when you turn the page in a book.  You can just unite yourself to the Mass. I said I do it while I’m doing other things.  And so he says, “Well how can you do it when you’re working?”  And I said, “Well, Father, I don’t know whether I ought to tell you, but I think I lost my last job because of that!” So they got a laugh out of that.  Well, anyway, but afterwards I got rather frightened too, thinking, well, these priests go out and do it. Then I wondered, do they believe me or is it curiosity?  ….  Well, anyway,  my love  – at least, as far as I’m concerned – is so simple that I can’t see any reason for making it more complicated.  But then I do get qualms of conscience thinking that is maybe not good on my part because maybe the Lord gave me the gifts and I’m not using them.  But that’s the way I felt too, you know …  I don’t think I said this, but I was telling Our Lord this morning, as St. Teresa said, we all have degrees – well, of course, you know, we all have different gifts – but we all have a love of God – that is instinctive in the soul of everybody, it seems to me, and even in those who don’t recognize it.  But, that’s what we have to do … start with what we have and work up!  She said only some are called to great heights, but they’er only called to great heights for reasons of Our Lord’s .. reasons of His .. if He wants that, that’s it! 

That was another thing I told them … about how their ordinary banter and conversation with the boys will turn into a spiritual conversation … not through any effort of theirs, but through the Holy Ghost.

You know, I get mentally exhausted, Father, with one of these talks with these priests.  Oh Father, right now, even thinking about it, when I just think of how I just jabber, jabber, jabber on.  I told Father G. what I put on tape.  I told him, I said, “You shouldn’t ask me these questions because I’ll answer them whether I know it or not!” ….  And that’s another thing, Father, you know I laugh an awful lot while I’m talking and I wonder if it indicates nervousness or something?  But while I’m talking, I’m not nervous. I’m just answering away.  But afterwards I am. But then I’m not laughing.

June 17, 1963 tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary through the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

Last night I was in my room and I was praying for the dying. And all of a sudden it was as if I was in a gathering. We were sitting there with Our Lord. I think I saw Mary Mag-dalen, St. Catherine, St. Martin, St. Thomas, and there were others about, but I didn’t pay any attention to them.  I was begging Him through the Mass that was being offered to cleanse all their souls [i.e. the dying] – and then Our Lord told me – and, of course, you know this – but He was telling me that I should continue always to pray through the Mass for the dying and for anything – especially for the dying because that’s what we were taking about – that their souls would be cleansed. Because He told me that without the Holy Sacrifice even the sacraments wouldn’t exist and wouldn’t be effective because it was His death on the cross that all prayers must go through and all being cleansed from sin.

We walked over with Our Blessed Mother this morning, and your Mass was beautiful.  It is the only place I do find any peace.

August 3, 1963 tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

The novena is about to close and tomorrow is the feast of our Holy Father St. Dominic.  Well, whereas it was filled with heavy crosses for us, why it was also filled with many graces.  Last night at holy hour we saw Our Lord and we were there at His feet … we were kneeling back a little bit.  And there were so many saints and angels all gathered around.  Our Blessed Mother was next to Him, and there was St. Peter, and many Dominicans all gathered around. But then, towards the end, it was as if everything got rather dark and all of a sudden I saw coming – well, I’m not sure… I think it was St. Dominic because there were three or four all gathered together there and I didn’t see their faces too distinctly, because it seemed as far almost as I could see, I saw these Dominicans all coming, and they had – at first, I thought they looked like the flames of the Holy Ghost – that’s probably what they were, but they also looked like torches in their hands like the one we see in St. Dominic’s dog’s mouth. And then, all of a sudden, they came into the church and as they did, why everything became so bright I didn’t see anything.

And every single morning, and every single day, and so many times, all through the Mass, one in your heart, Our Lord has given us His graces to feel His sufferings and things.

This morning at the seven o’clock Mass I was up in my usual seat. At the eight o’clock Mass I sat in the back. I don’t know why, although once in awhile I do sit in the back.  Father W took up the collection on our side. I was out.  I knew it, you know, but at the same time – as I’ve told you, since you have left – I see. Because I suppose it is a cross, and also, mostly – I understood from Our Lord – so that I could tell you about it.  But he [i.e. Father W] took up the collection.  So, of course, he put the basket toward me. Well, now, any collector putting the basket towards you and you’re not .. your hands are together or something, you know, I’m not going to give anything. But, instead of that, he took the opportunity to raise the basket up and down in front of my eyes a couple of times and looked at me at the same time. (Laugh) My non-believing eyes, I guess!  How do you like that?  Honestly!  Really, I mean.  I can laugh at it now, but, oh, coming home, you know, I tell Our Lord, I’m just ranting at Him, “How can I endure this sort of thing?  How can a person pray?” I probably wasn’t praying anyhow – I don’t know … living through it through your heart, I guess. It’s afterwards that it’s annoying.  At the time I don’t ordinarily mind it … unless I’m not out, and then I see it.  Then I am annoyed, and then I feel like waving at them or something.  But that isn’t too often. 

August 6, 1963 tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

Oh, the Mass that they celebrated for the feast of St. Dominic yesterday was so beautiful, and through most of it I was all one with you. Not all of it.  I was distracted at times.  I think sometimes – like on Sunday, you know, when they have a talk – I get distracted some-times.  Not very often during the six [o’clock Mass].  Usually I don’t even hear them.  But it was very nice, and all through Our Lord’s heart we felt His suffering.  And twice yesterday – was it twice yesterday or once the evening before? –  I saw Father Jordan and Father Burnell.  And then, while they were together, they weren’t together in a way.  And I haven’t seen them in a long time.  And I don’t think I ever saw Father Burnell before, but I’m sure  that’s who it was.  So, of course, immediately, I put my propositions to them and I talked to them for a long time.  I don’t remember any answers because I was just sending them as messengers to “headquarters,” you know, as Father Burnell used to call it … the Sacred Heart. 

And then your Mass this morning was so beautiful. But in some ways  – for parts of it – I don’t believe I’ve ever felt or saw Our Lord suffering so intensely, particularly at the scourging and the crowing of thorns.  Through you I felt some of it, one in Our Lord, and then at the scourging, though, I felt and saw His back all back and blue, and bleeding and cut like I have never seen it; and felt the ropes that tied His hands, and every blow crushed him closer to the stone beneath Him.  You know, I felt the thorns so in Our Lord’s head that alt-hough I am still aware of the rest of His suffering – of the carrying of the cross, and on the balcony, and of Veronica, and the women on the route to Jerusalem, and even this morning I heard St. Peter deny Him – I don’t remember too much more until I saw Our Lord coming, you know, because I think that suffering was so intense that it just sort of … I felt no more, you know, in a way. And then I remember once – I think it was the crowing with thorns – and I was telling Our Lord … talking to Him too – telling Him, “Oh dear Lord, if I could  only do more penance” – you wouldn’t be out there in Tennessee,  and it would be making reparation.  And why don’t I do it?  All I do is intend, I guess, don’t I?  … but I love Him so!   And then, His flesh and blood on your tongue, and in your throat, and in your heart.  I think I was so far out I didn’t even see Him coming.  It was just then we tasted the sweetness of His flesh and blood, and all the pain was gone and He enveloped us one within Himself.  And for the longest time, Father, afterwards, all I could just say was “love, love, love, love, love.” But when I tell you this morning I was talking to Him through His suffering you know, I noticed the other night at Rosary, first we heard Our Blessed Mother and She seemed to be telling the story. But then, more and more, it seemed almost as if we were enveloped within the Mass again – it was the sorrowful mysteries – and I found out that I was living  this!  I know I was answering the prayers … I think I was, and yet I was talking to Our Lord all at the same time.  I don’t know how. 

August 15, 1963  tape to Fr. Novacki

Good morning Father.  This is the 15th of August and Our Blessed Mother’s feast day.  And happy feast day to you!  All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

Well, you know this morning it must have been – I guess I fell asleep early last night – about one o’clock when I woke up.  And there was Our Blessed Mother.  And I was going to say it seemed as if She was in the room, but it seemed as if the room had vanished because it was nothing but a bank of clouds – as a matter of fact, the whole house. And so we wished Her a happy feastday.  And I supposed I talked to her. Yes, I’m  sure I did, but I don’t re-member what I said because I don’t think that Our Blessed Mother answered me, not that I know of, anyway.  But ever since then, off and on, I have felt Her fingers around your heart, even when I got up this morning, first thing.  Then after a while I felt your heart, one in Our Lord’s, you know, His blood warm around your heart, and just before I went upstairs – I was downstairs in the room  – and then at early Mass, one with you all through His passion and death. Although, again this morning like on so many feastdays, we were not as aware of His suffering, you know. Oh Father, just as I felt the pain stop in Our Lord’s body and we hung there – Our Lord hung there – like a burning white cross of love over the world, and I could see His most precious blood covering the world like a veil. And, you know, from then on I think we just cease to exist, and I felt Our Lord’s flesh and blood on your tongue – no His flesh, and then I felt your hands over His that were held like a chalice, and His most precious blood filling your heart.  And then we just melted into Him, and melted so that I can’t re-member anything much after that. After awhile, then, we were at His feet, and Our Blessed Mother was there, and St. Anne, and St. Joseph, and I don’t remember the others because our attention was centered on them, but I was aware that they were all around this morning, you know. So beautiful! So beautiful!  

August 18, 1963  tape to Fr. Novacki

Good morning, Father.  All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

It was so wonderful this morning!  It seems as if the last week was so hectic or some-thing. And it was so wonderful just to walk over so peacefully with Our Blessed Mother and St. Catherine, St. Martin, our guardian angels, I think, and many, many others seemed around, you know, as we walked along begging for souls.  And then, oh, feeling so gone and one within you, one in Our Lord so that we cease to exist and all through His passion and death. But even then, this morning, although as I tell you sometimes, we’re so aware, at the time, of His suffering; but afterwards, when I think back, then I can only remember that it was covered with either a joy or a peace. And this morning, it seemed like a peace.  And most clear was when your soul left Our Lord in the Garden of Olives as we looked down and He wept, and I could feel – oh love, oh love – His hair, damp and matted, and His burning cheek, and I kissed His cheek. And then your soul seemed to leave in search of souls and down through all the filth and slime. And I felt your steps, and I felt as you went up to these souls and whispered words of love to them.  And coming back it seemed as if I felt these souls within your heart, within Our Lord’s heart.  And the next thing I knew was the kiss of Judas against Our Lord’s cheek.  Then after we had received Our Lord and He had drawn us within Himself, and then, for just a short while, it’s as if nothing exists on heaven and earth but Him.  And then I was, we were, at His feet. And it’s as if we were kneeling there in a bank of clouds and Our Lord was seated on them too.  And I was thanking Him for everything, you know, and begging His help, particularly for this situation we’re praying for, and thanking Him for the peace that He had given us this morning. Then, you’re thanking Him for Your peace, as I told Him, but you can’t thank Him for Your peace when everybody you know and love, and there’s so much real trouble and sorrow, and souls to be saved, and everything. So that I suppose that even though we have these minutes of Our Lord’s grace, which over-whelms us with His peace, we’ll never have peace in this world, will we?, because, as I say, there’s so much.  And, you know, one thing I was telling Our Lord this morning, and I’ve noticed it so often, that if I suddenly hear – like on the radio, like yesterday morning – of this American captain killed out on one of those islands, I forget where it is,  and then right away I think, “Oh Lord, O Lord, did I get him in, did I get him in?”  And this morning, these Americans that had been drowned off the coast, I think, of Japan, and all I could think of is, “Did I get those souls in when I was praying.?” We have to trust Our Lord’s mercy. That’s why I guess St. Dominic says it’s so important, so important, to keep praying for the dying because they’re dying all the time, I suppose, and, of course, we only hear of certain ones.

March 10, 1964  tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

I told you I was making this novena to St. Joseph. And last night when I went over for rosary, and I was making the last ones of the day. I suddenly began talking to St. Joseph and really telling him what confidence I had in him … I mean, he can’t let me down. 

Also, I think I was talking to Our Blessed Mother about trying to do the tape on the rosary because, of course, she did ask me to do that.  And I think of it every once in awhile.  But I feel kind of as if I wouldn’t know where to begin, because I am afraid that if I start in to think  about it that I won’t be able to talk  about it.

Do you know several times, lately, though, Father, I have been completely astounded. I think it’s about when I’m saying the last prayer for the rosary – and then maybe one or two different times – well, it was as if I can see my mind … as  if my meditation was a perfectly clear thought going along in through this little tube .. I mean its perfectly separated from my Hail Marys … we just go along in another track – like two trains going along on the tracks next to each other. You could see them, and yet they’re both going along perfectly clearly with no interference. And I actually know that I am thinking of the two things at the same time.  I hope it’s by the grace of God and not because I’m crazy.

I wanted to tell you – like yesterday morning and this morning – oh Father, when we received Our Lord, we were just so overwhelmed with love that, even for hours afterwards, when I think about it I can feel my face all tingling and hot tears come to my eyes. You know, it’s just more than you can bear.  And I was thinking, if we could only appreciate … if we only weren’t so weak, if we only could make our minds – our spiritual  minds – control everything else, because when we have that , what else do we need? … I mean, that Our Lord remains with us always!  What else do we really need?  The only thing is that we just can’t be aware …. I don’t know why we’re so stupid.

May 23, 1964  tape to Fr. Novacki

Through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

You know, I have something to tell you, but I feel rather conceited about it.  I mean I shouldn’t because I know my own position, but I’m afraid it would sound  rather conceited. I was talking to Our Lord yesterday morning about all of this situation, and I said to Him, “They asked Father if I did any extraordinary penances.”  And I said, “You know I don’t.” And I said “I suppose that is one of the proofs that they are looking for.”  And I said, “You know I don’t even do the ordinary ones, let alone extraordinary ones.”  Well now, if I can re-member the words…. Our Lord said to me, “It was your universal charity that is the reflection of My love, it is your simple faith in Me” … but to that I said “Oh Lord, I believe, but do Thou help my unbelief.”  It seems to me, in other words, that is what appeals to Our Lord, and, as He had told me once before, too, and He reminded me yesterday was: “Love all those that I love, but most of all teach me to love all those that You love.”   So, in other words, that is your answer to a question like that.

And then, another thing … I was wondering if you recall – because I think that some-times you don’t retain some of these things, you know, there’s so much – when Our Lord asked me – because this is the paragraph that He said what was confounding them – when Our Lord said to me that I was to receive Communion, not by going to the railing, but through you.  Well, I was coming from Davidson’s  one noon to the twelve o’clock Mass. And I had just crossed Chapel Street and was walking along there opposite Vanderbilt Hall by the green and it was wet and rainy. And all of sudden Our Lord told me this.  And I remember just standing there stamping my foot and I said “No.” But then, of course, I gave in. Then, later on, Our Lord told me that it was because He wanted us to know how close and how one with Him we all are during the Mass. I suppose, like in heaven, to closer degrees by [i.e. according to] the grace that a person is in, a soul was in; but even sinners, because, after all, that’s what He came for. And then, too, I remember later on, I think a couple of times when it was very difficult … this situation …  particularly like people coming up to me trying to see why I didn’t go to Communion, and all of them looking at me. And then Our Lord told me that this was one of the heaviest crosses that He would ask of anyone because it was a case of loosing your own identity.  And when you get right down to it, that’s something, I guess, that’s common with everybody that we all want to have our own identity to some degree.  I suppose that’s the way the Lord made us. So I just thought that probably you might not have remembered that so in case that came up.

To get back, again, to loving the souls that Our Lord loves. Well frankly, Father, when I read something or hear of a tragedy – and it’s always been this way all my life – on the radio or the television or in the newspaper or anybody tells me, why, it just disturbs me so – as if it were my own.  And so for some time I would think that it was kind of a mental condi-tion for me that I could get so disturbed about somebody that I never heard of, maybe in Eu-rope, or somebody like that brother-in law of that Madam … her brother-in-law when they shot him that morning … why I wake up praying for the man and I always thought maybe there was something wrong.  My family always had a standard joke – and, of course, I re-membered the incident because I was about sixteen, I guess – when a ragman, coming along in an old Ford truck with his rags, and the little girl next door ran out in front of his truck and he knocked her down, and the police and the mobs of people were there, and the mother was screaming, and everybody was consoling her. And they always kidded me because they said, “And there was Dorothy, over with her arm around the little ragman, and he was crying on her shoulder because he kept on saying ‘I didn’t mean it.’” And, of course, you know, he felt just as bad, I’m sure, as the mother did.  And so I just had to mention that because Our Lord brought this back to me while I was talking to Him.

Then Our Lord told me: “Your own cross which you have made yourself is heavy. But because you have asked to carry the crosses of others, I am your Simon and I will carry it with you.” 

No Date (1964)

Anthony called me a little while ago and told me Father. M. is still here.  Yesterday afternoon he said to me, “I think I’ll give Father M. a paper on the Mass.”  And I said, “Oh, doesn’t he have one?” He said, “No, I don’t think so ….”  

So this morning Father M. was in the sacristy and Anthony got talking to him. So Anthony said to him, “Father would you like to read a paper that Mrs. Weimar wrote under Father N.’s direction on the Mass?”  And he said, “Oh, I’d like one very much. It’s been a long time since I read it because I had to bring mine down a little while ago and give it to Father F. S. in Washington.”  He said he was studying it.  I told you, Father, that Our Lord showed me these Dominicans not too long ago, and that they were at the House of Studies, I thought, in Washington, and that they were talking over the paper. See, Our Lord has consoled us by letting us known that. So Anthony said, “What was his reaction?”  And he said ” Well, of course, on these matters their reaction is always negative.”  He said they looked to see if there is anything against faith, and he said “of course, not being a theologian, her language is different, and so they have to study the language to see what she means.”

Date not given  (1964) tape to Fe. Novacki

We walked over with Our Blessed Mother this morning. And this morning I noticed you barefooted, and we just skimmed across, well – what usually looks like the sidewalk – this morning it looked like a rug with little diamond petals. And it was so beautiful, and so beautiful! … begging for souls. Oh, so, too, was your Mass, as always, by Our Lord’s grace. We just lived Our Lord’s passion and death. 

I don’t remember anything too much that would stand out this morning. The only thing I remember very clearly was seeing Our Lord coming towards us.  He came … He seemed to be almost there before I saw Him, right in front of us. And then He held out His arms and as I rushed into them – His flesh and His blood on your tongue, and in your throat, and in your heart.  And, you know, it seemed – as Our Lord drew us into Him – as if I could feel, in some way, His flesh and blood still within you. And it seems, off and on, as if it has been that way all morning. Well, it isn’t too late now. As a matter of fact, it’s early. But it’s still… still, you know, we’re so one with Our Lord. Then afterwards, it must have been about the [time of the] prayers at the end of the Mass, when I saw Our Blessed Mother standing in front of you. She was in billowy white and in just a glow and a halo of light, surrounded by angels.  And as you said them, why it was as if you were talking to Her and She was listening as She does in the morning when we walk over.

And so, again, happy, happy feastday to you, Father, and my prayers are with you constantly!

Oh, hold on a minute will you?  You know I don’t do too much reading, but I was reading “The Nine First Fridays.”  It’s by a Rev. J. O’Connell.  It’s, of course, about the life of Margaret Mary. Well, I haven’t gone very far in it, but I don’t think, you know … that’s one reason why a long time ago I decided I didn’t like to read too much the lives of the saints, because then you wonder if, instead of it happening, you’re just picking it up or making it up – because I was noticing here that at one time she said that she leaned against Our Lord’s heart like St. John, the beloved disciple.  And, of course, I tell you that so often. But I guess that’s the only way you could think of it when Our Lord holds you against His breast like that.  But she used the same words.  And then, too, I noticed here, it said – I’ll quote this part: “the relations between Fr. Crosier and the saint had the formal and repeated approval of Our divine Lord, and Margaret Mary told the young priest that he had been chosen to know, love, and honor the Sacred Heart in a very special way and to spread devotion to Him.”  So, you see, there is another proof that Bishop …  and anybody else who says that Our Lord doesn’t give special messages was wrong.  And the more I think of it, and I was thinking of it this morning while I was kneeling there with Our Lord, it just seemed to me that they really are certainly so far off from anything spiritual and knowing anything about these things that it’s amazing, isn’t it?  Certainly they didn’t say anything like that for the sake of argument or they would have known that you would have caught them up on it. 

October 24, 1964 tape to Fr. Novacki

This morning your Mass was so beautiful. And again, this morning, the two things I recall most afterwards were Our Lord’s suffering in prison and He seemed to be looking down on the world, and also as He stopped and talked to the women by the side of the road. And that was the same as yesterday that I remembered most clearly afterwards. 

November 1, 1964  tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls. Happy feastday! 

I didn’t get any letter from you yesterday and I didn’t write to you yesterday.  I had a hard time.  So yesterday morning, oh, your Mass was as beautiful as usual, and we were just waiting and Our Lord was standing in front of me, and just then, Father R raises himself up to two inches taller than his full height and, at the top of his lungs, yells “Amen” at me again.  Well, of course, I was completely distracted and I really … I just started to tremble almost.  And, you know, Father, that not only distracts me  – and I think he did it on purpose, I think he tried to make me conspicuous, you know, or something – not only distracts me, but it must distract the people who have just  received Our Lord, distract the people who are about  to receive Our Lord.  Well, I got back and I talked to Our Lord but I was lost, in a way, you know. And I finally managed to stay for the eight. I don’t know how. And then after I came out of the eight o’clock Mass, Anthony was just going into work and he said “You want a ride home?” And I said “Yes.” And when I got into the car I said, “Well I am just writing a letter to Father today, just two words: “I’m through!’”  (Laugh)  I really was shaken up. So, anyway, I came home and I couldn’t do anything. The whole day was wasted, practically. And first we were talking, you know, on the way home, and Anthony said, “Write to the Provincial, after all, he’s in charge. They have no right to do that.”  And then, of course, we had all these ideas what we were going to do.  But then when I came home I thought, “No, I’ll just offer this up, I’ll try to offer it up.  Maybe it will help our cause and you’ll get back sooner if I do.”  But it’s very embarrassing, although Anthony said last night that he thinks like you do.  Of course, I said, you say they’re only making themselves  conspicuous.  But they’re making me, and I think they’re doing it on purpose. So, anyway, after thinking it over I thought, “No, I’ll offer it up. I’ll try anyway.” 

Though, heavens, that’s another thing.  So it was about an hour I was home and all of a sudden the doorbell rang.  And as the doorbell rang I got this terrible nosebleed. And I can’t remember when I’ve had a nosebleed since I was a child. That lasted about a half an hour.  Then I had it again in the afternoon. I had it again before I went to bed, and I must have had it in the night because I was a mess when I got up this morning.  When I got up this morning I had it again, and I thought I’d never be able to get to Communion, you know.  I went up to church this morning carrying a whole box of Kleenex with me. (Laugh)  So, anyway, the Lord was good because by keeping my head in the air all the time and by not putting it down at all, although I was distracted some during your Mass, but not entirely – no, I don’t think not too much, just some, off and on. Why, I managed anyway.  And I also managed to go to the seven-fifteen [Mass]. But by that time my hands and feet were cold and everything, and I thought, “Well, I guess I’d better go home.”  Because there’s such a long wait between Masses now, you know.  When I got up this morning I didn’t think I was going to get to any Mass.  I think it was nervousness that caused it. Even now my hands and feet are cold from it. 

This morning at the six [o’clock Mass – Father F had it – with the new portable altar that is facing the people.  So, of course, as soon as you began to vest, Our Lord started to come in, then I was in your heart, and all through the Mass. There may have been one or two distractions there because of the nosebleeds.  And, of course, we received Our Lord.  He [i.e. the priest] didn’t say anything to me or distract me or anything.  We saw Our Lord, and afterwards at His feet, Father, it was as if the whole courts of heaven were there, you know. Oh, that’s another thing, yesterday morning – no the day before – Our Lord put –  it looked like a necklace nor something, it looked like His precious blood –  over my head.  But any-way, this morning it looked as if the whole courts of heaven were there. There was Our Blessed Mother, and St. Joseph, and St. Michael, and St. Anne, and St. Dominic, and St. Martin, and all of them, as far as you could see there were saints and angels, saints and an-gels, you know, and we just knelt at Our Lord’s feet and rested there for awhile. 

But I said to Anthony afterwards, “I think Our Lord has done it.”  With the altar facing the people they cannot stare at me, and the only time they can do it is when they give the blessing. And they are getting disturbed, and I could see that Father F was disturbed because, of course, I was in this stare at him.

Date not given  (1964) tape to Fr. Novacki

And then another time Our Lord showed me – I think it was after we received Our Lord – no,. no, no. no.  It was somebody was talking in the pulpit and said something about the gift of perseverance.  And, you know, Father, Our Lord showed me it is truly – now, having experienced it – it is truly a gift!   You know, you’re told all your life, “Pray for final per-severance.”  But as a child that doesn’t mean much, and even as you get older it doesn’t mean much.  But, believe me, it is an outright gift of the Lord and I think, of course, it is at His will and also in return for perseverance and love – trying to love Our Lord – but without it you’re lost and with it you’re saved!  I mean, I could see where you could just fall into despair, you know.

Well then, this morning, after we received Our Lord, all I could remember now is that we stood next to Him.  I could feel His arm around you, and we were under that beautiful cloak that He wears that is covered with jewels.  Never before have I ever stood there under that beautiful cloak.  It’s like the cross He shows us sometimes that’s covered with jewels and so beautiful.

February 11 ( 1965)  tape to Fr. Novacki

All through the Immaculate Heart of Mary to the Sacred Heart of Jesus with love for souls.

I want to get to [talk about] Father M.  You said he was good and he has good material, etc.  I thought he gave the impression of being a very sweet man.  I went to confession to him, he was very nice, and “sweet” sounds strange for a man …  it didn’t make him less manly, but he looks as if he had a beautiful disposition and everything.  But, however, he spoke on Our Lord as an infant and a boy during the whole novena.  At the last closing all I could think of was Father B. and a few more of these young ones.  All through it, of course, he belittled the royal robes on the Infant.  Well, the way I feel about that is that if Our Lord was pleased to speak through the statue of the Infant of Prague, then who are we to belittle the fact that this princess – or whoever it was – had dressed Him in royal robes.  It was an honor she gave Him, and it’s an honor we still give Him as a remembrance that He is our king.  (Laugh) “He’s not our king, he’s our slave,” says Father B!  Well, Father M wound up with pretty much the same thing, you know. Only he stripped Him right down, even of His garments!  So I wasn’t impressed with him at all. Yesterday morning, after we received Our Lord, I was kneeling at His feet and I was telling Him about this, see.  And Our Lord told me, as I have mentioned to you before that it is not the priests who, as He said, “through human weakness” have left Him for one reason or another – whether it be women or liquor or anything like that – that are doing the harm, but it’s “souls who through their intellectual pride” are – now how can I say this – that are stripping Our Blessed Mother of Her honor, and, also, they are making personal opinions of Him instead of accepting the opinions of the gospels and of the Church, and they are, in other words, going away out … and that these preachers are the ones who are doing the harm.  And when I spoke to Him about the robes, Our Lord told me then that His Mother adorned Him with a garment which She wove for Him that was so valuable in the eyes of the soldiers that they cast lots for it. And He gave me to understand that any of this love which is given to Him in this way is pleasing to Him. I think I was telling Him too that, of course, I don’t like to see statues which as St. Teresa says are distracting more than inspirational.  But personally, I was telling Him that , you know, that these statues do give inspiration.  But I understood from what Our Lord said that this business of stripping the church bare is not pleasing to Him because it certainly is discouraging most of the people. Of course, the young moderns know … but, after all, Father, in every generation there are young moderns.  But up until now we haven’t paid much attention to them. Well, anyway, after we were talking there I saw kneeling…. oh, He told me … Our Lord said: “Soon they will try to belittle the intercession of the saints.” And after He said that all around there was St. Dominic, St. Catherine and Our Blessed Mother and St. Anne and St. Joseph and, oh, St. Francis and St. Vincent, and I saw St. Thomas. I saw so many, St. Peter, and so many of them that we knew and they were all around, you know, all around, and they were like lights all around Our Lord’s feet. And it was so beautiful! And there were angels all over.  I suppose pretty soon they’ll say there aren’t angels too!

Well, I didn’t tell you  … oh, yes, well, after Mass, then I went to noon Mass. Suddenly I got very sick to my stomach.  And it kept on and it kept on. So finally when Anthony came at about half past four and I went to Marie Bolzer’s wake. ….

But I was awfully sick to my stomach and I said to Anthony, “I think I’d better go home, I don’t think I’ll go to Mass.” And I came home. I didn’t go out again. And this morning when I woke up I was so sick! I couldn’t type yesterday afternoon. I had put it off because the morning was so short because my eyes were so bleary and everything was blurred. And I woke up the same way this morning and my head was spinning and I couldn’t get up. So, for two cents I’d have gone to the doctor but Saturdays you have to have and appointment. So, anyway, I thought well thank heavens there’s the five-thirty Mass in the evening, and maybe I’ll make that. Well, I got up and I had something to eat, a yogurt and a cup of coffee, and then I came in I laid down on my slant board for about a half an hour and after, it was about half past eleven then, and I thought “Well I can make noon Mass now.” So I went over to noon Mass this morning. But I was distracted because I still didn’t feel good. But here it is three o’clock now and I just couldn’t even get to making a tape up until now. But  now I’m beginning to feel better, thank heavens. I’ve taken some aspirin and I took the medicine the doctor gave me for the stomach, and I suppose it’s settling, you know. now.  

(Story about Giles, her dog) …. So, Father Novacki, as you can tell I’m just rattling on and talking about Giles.

June 2, 1968  to Fr. Smolenski 

Pentecost Sunday

On this morning of your first Mass when I awoke my room was filled with the odor of spicy roses and angels.  Then I saw Our Blessed Mother all in white with a diamond-like crown of petals on Her head. Years ago She told me that this Her most beautiful crown was made up of the love and tears of Her children.  Then as I do every morning, I spoke to Her and begged Her to help priests, especially you.

I cannot begin to put into words the joy I felt at seeing both you and Fr. Anthony there on the altar.  The church  too, when we went in, was filled with the wonderful odor of spicy roses and angels.  All through your Mass, one in the Heart of Our Divine Lord, we knew His passion and death.  But as on special days we were so overwhelmed with His Love that we did not feel His suffering.

At the Consecration Our Lord was a burning white cross over the world, souls coming from every corner.  I saw Our Lord coming now to the lame, halt, blind; and as He came to them He enveloped them within Himself. Now His Flesh and Blood on my tongue, in my throat, in my heart, and we melted into Him, – nothing on heaven and earth existed but Him, – we ceased to exist.  Love! Love! Love!  Now I saw Our Blessed Mother next to Him and I am sure the whole court of heaven.  I knelt in front of Him and gently He placed one slim silver sword in my hand, (which as Fr. Novacki remembers He gave me when you were very young), on the tip was a drop of blood.  Now Our Lord said, “You will pierce the hearts of sinners.”

When Fr. Anthony came out to speak, I saw St. Dominic come with him.[1]  At the same time I saw him like St. Dominic spreading the real meaning of the Mass, it was as if it swept the whole world.[2] So Father preach the real meaning of the Mass, Our Lord’s passion and death, our only peace and salvation. If you do, I am sure that Our Lord will one day say “Well done.”  No matter that you do not see it as you go through life.  That He has told me. Love in St. Dominic, Dorothy

June 24 1968  to Msgr. La Femina

Just came home from Fr. Stan’s  Mass.  Offered for the Church in Canada.  After we received Our Lord I was standing with Him looking down over what I believe was Canada – confusion like when we go in search of souls in the Garden of Olives during the Mass.  Now Our Lord raised up His hands.  I saw drops of His most precious blood coming from the wounds in His hands.  Never saw this before, usually they look like jewels.

January 5, 1969  Msgr. La Femina’s reminiscence

Dorothy was complaining to Our Lord about a priest who was discussing her personal life – that she was divorced and, therefore, how could she really receive special graces.  Is this true? Our Lord told her that it is not even necessary that she be known, for what she wrote about the Mass is true and that priests should be preaching it anyhow. Then to Dorothy’s wonderment – for she had never heard Our Lord like this before – He, very angry, said, “Woe to those who make up themselves the meaning of the Mass and teach it to others. They shall be damned to the everlasting fires of hell.”  Dorothy understood from this how important the Mass is to Our Lord, and how it is imperative to Him that His priests teach its true meaning to His faithful.

June 8, 1969 to Msgr. La Femina

… the Mass, the Eternal Kiss of God….

October 19, 1969 to Msgr. La Femina

Our Lord showed me the priests (Holland) and told me that “I have told them to preach My word, but they preach their own.”

 November 2, 1969 to Msgr. La Femina

(Having spoken about how many people had requested copies of the leaflets explaining, in an anonymous manner, her experience at Mass, Dorothy then wrote) 

I know that Our Lord is pleased, even if He was not with Rome.  He told me as we looked down: “I have told them to preach My word and they preach their own”.  Not all of the Bishops, but the dissenters that were there.

December 21, 1969 to Msgr. La Femina

As to the changes in the Mass – I read it caused quite a furor in Rome – Our Lord looked down in sorrow and told me of His sorrow that the heads of the Church put such importance on this, even for the loss of one soul.  Many here are leaving.  Two more curates have left in New Haven ….

February 6, 1970 to Msgr. La Femina

The morning after you left I was telling Our Lord that I had nothing to tell you.  He took my hands and said, “I want the knowledge of the real meaning of the Mass made known now.”  I am sure that you are doing it even if in another way than Stan and Anthony.   You have a different job.

April 6, 1970 to Msgr. La Femina

One thing Our Lord told me a couple of weeks ago – I keep thinking of it: “Sing My praises.  Offer all these temptations in reparation.”  Then another time He was with Our Blessed Mother and told me as He has so often, “Meditate on the Rosary – praise Me through the Mass.”

November 24, 1970 to Msgr. La Femina

For this past week or two I have been discouraged about being talked about.  Fathers N. and N. making faces at me during Mass.  I just about concluded that you can only be yourself.  So this morning after I received Our Lord and I was at His feet, I was not thinking of anything but Him.  Suddenly I said, “What can I tell them?” Our Lord took my hands within His and said, “Tell them it is love.”  I understood that others expect us to be much more perfect than He does

May 3, 1971

All we can do about all of our troubles is pray and offer them up.  I find the offering up easier said than done.  Pray for us.

July 7, 1971 to Fr. La Femina

This past month or so has been one nightmare.  When you were sick you said you could not pray.  Well, I complained to Our Lord about that too and He told me, “When you are pinned beneath the cross you cannot talk, but you know I am with you.”

November 3, 1971 to Msgr.. La Femina

A day or so ago, during Mass, Our Lord went over to awaken the apostles.  Instead of the apostles He showed me the Church today – asleep.

March 18, 1972  to Msgr. La Femina

Every day on radio, T.V., and in the papers, more and more scandal about priests.  One morning I was telling Our Lord that sometimes I am sure that I am losing my faith.  Our Lord said, “Do not mistake the temptations of the devil for a loss of faith.”  I try to remember that when I hear priests on T.V. saying things like, “We do not care whether you people go to Sunday Mass or not as long as you love each other in Christ” !!!!

October 20, 1972 to Msgr. La Femina

Our Lord told me the other day as we were looking down upon the Church and the world, that it is because of the pride of men who are now making up their own rules that so many are leaving the Church; but the Church “will be strengthened by this adversity,” that many of the traditions will return.  He looked so tall and strong and then we could see the devil, mad man that he is, rushing all over the world.

January 26, 1973  to Msgr. La Femina

(After saying that her spiritual director had been refused a transfer back to St. Mary’s Church in New Haven, Connecticut – where Dorothy lived – for the simple reason that he was her director, she wrote the following:) 

I am in a terrible state – one minute I think I have ruined all of our lives; the next, I am fighting mad.  By what right do they judge me?  They have never seen or spoken to me.  Every new priest that comes knows all about me before he arrives. ….  I also feel sorry for Anthony who is sure to support me and think he should have had his own life.

February 15, 1973 to Msgr. La Femina

I… keep complaining about all of this (cf. above letter of January 26, 1973)  to Our Lord who said nothing until yesterday, and He said, “When I told My Mother that I must be about My Father’s business She found it hard to believe.”

November 17, 1974 to Msgr. La Femina

My dear Anthony:

Where are you?  I hope you are well.  I answered your letter on August.  Then you were having mail strikes so maybe you did not receive it.

Father was here for a weekend.  Fr. Sullivan invited him for the 100th anniversary of St. Mary’s.

I do not (feel) well – same old thing – I had a flu shot and now have a reaction. 

So this is just a note.

I am praying for you.  Don’t forget me.  Giles, Anthony are fine.

My love in St. Dominic, 

Dorothy

1974  (Dorothy died on November 19, 1974)

February 25, 1975  Fr. Novacki to Msgr. La Femina

This letter of Dorothy’s spiritual director speaks about another letter which Msgr. La Femina wrote to Dorothy’s daughter following her mother’s death.

… she (i.e. Dorothy’s daughter)  said she was being “bugged” to the point of not being able to sleep, to call her father who is hospitalized in Indiana.  From her father’s sister she learned that he, as well as his legal wife, was quite sick. So, I advised her to answer the “bugging” by getting in touch with the chaplain of the hospital and ask him to look in on her father.  I am convinced that our Lord, thru Dorothy, was “bugging” her, because Dorothy had told me that our Lord assured her that her prayers for her husband would save his soul.

… as you wrote, ” … we often have difficulty in seeing anything extraordinary in those tied to us by blood,” Debbie is finding it difficult to correlate what you said in your letter and what the leaflet tells her about her mother and the Mass … with what her relatives told her about her mother when she began walking from West Haven to St. Mary’s for daily Mass, and when I asked Mrs. O’Neill and Shirley and Whit if they would look after Peter and Debbie, if Dorothy would enter North Guilford.   Of course, they thought Dorothy should stay with her children.  Our Lord told Dorothy to ask me to approach them, as well as Mother Mary and Bishop Hackett.  When Peter and Debbie were told about the matter, I presume by Mrs. O’Neill, Peter and Debbie came in to see me and seemed disturbed by the prospect.  Of course, Dorothy did not enter North Guilford, but afterwards our Lord told her He wanted Archbishop O’Brien to become aware of Dorothy and her life.  But I think Debbie has lived with the idea that her mother “wanted to abandon” them ….

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[1]  When I went to preach at this Mass I put a relic of Dt. Dominic in my jacket.  However, I forgot to take it with me when I vested for Mass. Just before preaching, I discovered that I had forgotten the relic, but I immediately realized that St. Dominic did not need the relic to be with me.  And, behold, Dorothy’s letter revealed that he was!

[2] In 1974 Dorothy told me that Jesus commanded her to tell me to write about the Mass.  However, He gave no specific direction. I started in 1975 and it took me 35 years to complete. The book was published: “Eucharist and Covenant in John’s Last Supper Account”. I see this book as a fulfillment of Dorothy’s vision here at Fr. Smolenski’s First Mass. Moreover, it is the theological and scriptural proof that what Dorothy witnessed during Mass is true.